*Ben Bitching skip if you're not in the mood to hear how boring Ben's day was*
I felt crappy for almost the entire day. Emotional ups-and-downs, some times they are my greatest weaknesses. God please help me with that.
So how does a guy my age deal with stress? He goes online to shoot people's heads off. CZ for 3 hours plus, nope 4 or was it 5. Chang came to play pool but I really wasen't up for it. Ganna trashed almost every round. Then I lied to myself that I was strong enough to go to the gym, pai kah boy ended up sitting down in front of the computer and downloading the ritual skins for cz, they are damn nice. (What a FRUITLESS DAY! ARGH I PROMISE NEVER TO LET CRUMMY EMOTIONS RULE MY LIFE AGAIN!!!) Yes.
*Yup start here*
Anyway I relocated my blue beach chair upstairs to my balcony so I can study my books in the nice sunshine and clean air, the only problem is the screaming girls from NY and the stupid brass band from NJ. I promise one day I will blow these 2 schools up.
Next few days I have the car, must go to gym to regain some stamina. Could really use the energy~ Coz I wanna play basketball. I got owned yesterday! Luckily my friends noticed and actually slowed the game down for me and these are guys who first threatened the people on the court off and fight other gangs in their schools. See SG Bengs are cool. But that's besides the point! Must get to ownage level of basketball if I wanna go back to uni to play. PSYCHE UP!!! Fit Fit Fit!Chinese men can JUMP! Yeah!
Things to do tomorrow:
-Play CZ till about 11
- Gym in the mid morning
-Lunch
-Passion of Christ
-Dinner with Chang for the last time (Bring camera!)
Thanks for reading ciao!
It is finished. The gates of hell will not be able to stand against the power of God.
His will be done.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
The more you have the more likely you are to fall.
God please keep me on the right track, some times I just want to give up and live for myself.
But obviously that isn't what you want from my life, so I endure now until I can fight again.
The story of my life, my dad once told me that you should always have a back up plan when working. This makes you valuable to the company. Like being a doctor for instance, it is hard to provoke a doctor with the threat of firing because he can simply move back to practice. So the only reason why a professional would want to work with a certain company is because he wants to make other people's lives better. Of course, the rewards are fame, riches and prosperity. Still the professional always has a way out because he can always rely on his old practices. No matter how selfish it may seems. He always has an escape route.
The same way we can just run back into our comfort zones when we think that people are trying to make our lives more stressful. The more wonderful our comfort zones are, the more easily we fall back into them. Especially when we are not firmly grounded with God's living word.
I have been given some things but sometimes I wonder what I am supposed to do with them...
God please help me through this time of wandering in the wilderness.
*I hate not saying all I have to but somethings will cause others to fall and is best to be kept between God and I.
It is finished. The gates of hell will not be able to stand against the power of God.
His will be done.
God please keep me on the right track, some times I just want to give up and live for myself.
But obviously that isn't what you want from my life, so I endure now until I can fight again.
The story of my life, my dad once told me that you should always have a back up plan when working. This makes you valuable to the company. Like being a doctor for instance, it is hard to provoke a doctor with the threat of firing because he can simply move back to practice. So the only reason why a professional would want to work with a certain company is because he wants to make other people's lives better. Of course, the rewards are fame, riches and prosperity. Still the professional always has a way out because he can always rely on his old practices. No matter how selfish it may seems. He always has an escape route.
The same way we can just run back into our comfort zones when we think that people are trying to make our lives more stressful. The more wonderful our comfort zones are, the more easily we fall back into them. Especially when we are not firmly grounded with God's living word.
I have been given some things but sometimes I wonder what I am supposed to do with them...
God please help me through this time of wandering in the wilderness.
*I hate not saying all I have to but somethings will cause others to fall and is best to be kept between God and I.
It is finished. The gates of hell will not be able to stand against the power of God.
His will be done.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
I decided to edit that post. It was not very nice.
Last night we went out for dinner courtesy of Deanne, (thanks again Deanne). I just love observing the way my friends act when they're with one another, since I haven't been a part of their lives for so long, I really can't input that much anyway, so watch and try not to look like a dao dog. I admit that it can get rather boring, staring into space creates the impression that I'm a goondu. But seriously, I have nothing to talk about, they tend to enjoy topics regarding their school friends, studies and lives which I have no clue as to what they're talking about (Which isn't their fault btw, cos I spent those 2 years in Perth/ Army and before that we didn't talk about anything much anyway... suan play sleep play play somemore suan slackkkk). I some times feel that I'm only just getting to know my friends because of the stupidity of secondary school life. Of course, there was Chang who has his priorities set lol. (Study? Study is for weaklings! Muggerss....) Thank God for grace! A A Bs do not just fall out of the sky.
You wanna know what's so fun about watching my friends in action? Charmaine is walking entertainment, Justin Eng will spew out stupid comments one after the other (he's getting better btw, some of it is quite funny), Melvin has words of wisdom, Justin Khoo makes sure there are no boring moments, Chang is just Chang, and well Yado is eye candy (Lol). Then there's Delia who likes to smile, I think she feels like me: a little out of place but in the right place, God bless Delia for being smiley. I just like to stare into space like a goondu. Of course there's Dan who isn't around that much anymore but when he's around we can always rely on Dan to whine like a girl. My friends own! Did I mention that I have no normal friends? Why can't I have normal friends? Hello? Hello??? Oh and the fact that Charmaine obviously has a crush on Yado? Accept it la, it's just the way God made boys and girls. Psychiatry 101. (Wow that was out of point but so fun to say!) Good luck! Wahahhaha~ Life is fun.
Yup that was mind clearing, I think that's enough about that for now. Just leave it to God to shape the relationship with my friends in Barker Road Church.
Then of course there's my friends from AC(I) (we call them that coz that's how we got separated. I went to Barker and they mostly went to ACS(I)) who are the ones who I have known all my life, some since I was in kindergarden. We were the guys who proclaimed that we would not grow older than 14 and for most of the part we didn't. Sigh good times... I really love these guys and I worry for their spiritual lives because one of them has big issues with God, the other a very young christian, another who's parents are Christian but he is not, the last in army and picking up all the bad habits which comes with army... Sigh, God please help us all. 5 of us always taking cabs, but no space coz one too many~
To those who are younger, time moves quickly but don't force yourself to enjoy life or you'll just burn out. Appreciation of day to day living and of our friends is the most important thing I can say about growing up.
(But then Ben likes to complain so let's complain...)
One day you'll all GroW UP AND BE OLD LIKE MEEEEEEEeEeeEEEEEE!!!!! 19!!! ARGH!! I wanna play monkey bars and kick mud at people! NoooOooOo~~~ Ok I'm done. (really I don't have a quarter life crisis, really.) NOoOOoOO!!! I wanna be a KID AGAIN!!!! Ok I'm finished with that, really ok. Yup.
Then there's the rest of my friends in Church, which is beyond fun btw. There's the MG mad girl clan, where I can say with conviction that they are all absolutely insane. All. I tried to find evidence against it but they are all crazy, insane, siao, ku ku. Even the most likely to be sane has proved me wrong, but I'm not saying names they might kill me with their gummy birds/ducks/chickens/ stoopid things.
The new generation Y of ACS boys who are all so cool I can't believe it, the AC spirit lives on in the souls of the these guys. You know what I'd like to define the AC boy? Smart but can't be bothered, Talented but lazy, Self Confident but not conceited and always stick together no matter how crappy life gets. I love AC they make guys with character. I won't judge the other boys schools coz I dunno many people who I know well from there. (But....) RI SUX! Eh run around in RI uniform wanna get wack is it?! DIEEEE!!!! SJI also! ROAR CHINESE HIGH WORST, shorts!!! SHORTSSS!!! nothing else to say~~~...... SHORTSS SHORTTIESHORTIESHORTTOOSS!@!!@!@!
That's not all of us definitely, there's Lisa who is HOTness personified, Robyn the muffin dimple curly haired smiley person :), Dorcas who is always happy and busy... and people which my lousy male mind can't pull out right now.
Oh ya! My wonderful army cell, which keeps me on the right track every week.
And my family! who are supporting me the big buffalo through my life. Even though I'm hardly at home, thanks for letting me have my independence FINALLY!!! House keys, free use of cars, freedom. Wow they trust me. Then of course there's my stupid sister, who is fun to disturb. KoRrRrRRr!!!
The people in my life are such a blessing for me, I think life wouldn't be complete without these people. I thank you all for being a part of my life. Not forgetting the AC(I) guys who have pushed me to the brink of laughing myself to death before my time. The barker guys for making me feel stress which no man should feel. The MG mad clan for being well mad and everybody for making my life full of wonderful memories, which I will remember for eternity, God willing.
It is finished!!! God has won.
His will be done.
Last night we went out for dinner courtesy of Deanne, (thanks again Deanne). I just love observing the way my friends act when they're with one another, since I haven't been a part of their lives for so long, I really can't input that much anyway, so watch and try not to look like a dao dog. I admit that it can get rather boring, staring into space creates the impression that I'm a goondu. But seriously, I have nothing to talk about, they tend to enjoy topics regarding their school friends, studies and lives which I have no clue as to what they're talking about (Which isn't their fault btw, cos I spent those 2 years in Perth/ Army and before that we didn't talk about anything much anyway... suan play sleep play play somemore suan slackkkk). I some times feel that I'm only just getting to know my friends because of the stupidity of secondary school life. Of course, there was Chang who has his priorities set lol. (Study? Study is for weaklings! Muggerss....) Thank God for grace! A A Bs do not just fall out of the sky.
You wanna know what's so fun about watching my friends in action? Charmaine is walking entertainment, Justin Eng will spew out stupid comments one after the other (he's getting better btw, some of it is quite funny), Melvin has words of wisdom, Justin Khoo makes sure there are no boring moments, Chang is just Chang, and well Yado is eye candy (Lol). Then there's Delia who likes to smile, I think she feels like me: a little out of place but in the right place, God bless Delia for being smiley. I just like to stare into space like a goondu. Of course there's Dan who isn't around that much anymore but when he's around we can always rely on Dan to whine like a girl. My friends own! Did I mention that I have no normal friends? Why can't I have normal friends? Hello? Hello??? Oh and the fact that Charmaine obviously has a crush on Yado? Accept it la, it's just the way God made boys and girls. Psychiatry 101. (Wow that was out of point but so fun to say!) Good luck! Wahahhaha~ Life is fun.
Yup that was mind clearing, I think that's enough about that for now. Just leave it to God to shape the relationship with my friends in Barker Road Church.
Then of course there's my friends from AC(I) (we call them that coz that's how we got separated. I went to Barker and they mostly went to ACS(I)) who are the ones who I have known all my life, some since I was in kindergarden. We were the guys who proclaimed that we would not grow older than 14 and for most of the part we didn't. Sigh good times... I really love these guys and I worry for their spiritual lives because one of them has big issues with God, the other a very young christian, another who's parents are Christian but he is not, the last in army and picking up all the bad habits which comes with army... Sigh, God please help us all. 5 of us always taking cabs, but no space coz one too many~
To those who are younger, time moves quickly but don't force yourself to enjoy life or you'll just burn out. Appreciation of day to day living and of our friends is the most important thing I can say about growing up.
(But then Ben likes to complain so let's complain...)
One day you'll all GroW UP AND BE OLD LIKE MEEEEEEEeEeeEEEEEE!!!!! 19!!! ARGH!! I wanna play monkey bars and kick mud at people! NoooOooOo~~~ Ok I'm done. (really I don't have a quarter life crisis, really.) NOoOOoOO!!! I wanna be a KID AGAIN!!!! Ok I'm finished with that, really ok. Yup.
Then there's the rest of my friends in Church, which is beyond fun btw. There's the MG mad girl clan, where I can say with conviction that they are all absolutely insane. All. I tried to find evidence against it but they are all crazy, insane, siao, ku ku. Even the most likely to be sane has proved me wrong, but I'm not saying names they might kill me with their gummy birds/ducks/chickens/ stoopid things.
The new generation Y of ACS boys who are all so cool I can't believe it, the AC spirit lives on in the souls of the these guys. You know what I'd like to define the AC boy? Smart but can't be bothered, Talented but lazy, Self Confident but not conceited and always stick together no matter how crappy life gets. I love AC they make guys with character. I won't judge the other boys schools coz I dunno many people who I know well from there. (But....) RI SUX! Eh run around in RI uniform wanna get wack is it?! DIEEEE!!!! SJI also! ROAR CHINESE HIGH WORST, shorts!!! SHORTSSS!!! nothing else to say~~~...... SHORTSS SHORTTIESHORTIESHORTTOOSS!@!!@!@!
That's not all of us definitely, there's Lisa who is HOTness personified, Robyn the muffin dimple curly haired smiley person :), Dorcas who is always happy and busy... and people which my lousy male mind can't pull out right now.
Oh ya! My wonderful army cell, which keeps me on the right track every week.
And my family! who are supporting me the big buffalo through my life. Even though I'm hardly at home, thanks for letting me have my independence FINALLY!!! House keys, free use of cars, freedom. Wow they trust me. Then of course there's my stupid sister, who is fun to disturb. KoRrRrRRr!!!
The people in my life are such a blessing for me, I think life wouldn't be complete without these people. I thank you all for being a part of my life. Not forgetting the AC(I) guys who have pushed me to the brink of laughing myself to death before my time. The barker guys for making me feel stress which no man should feel. The MG mad clan for being well mad and everybody for making my life full of wonderful memories, which I will remember for eternity, God willing.
It is finished!!! God has won.
His will be done.
Monday, March 29, 2004
Yeah I know it's not fun to come to a blog where there's nothing updated so I'll update now~
So what has been happening? My Sundays have always been packed to the max. I woke up at 730 to go to prepare to go to church and still came later (lol). But I beat my old record I managed to get to church in under 3 minutes! lalala~ I was so blur I forgot to bring my basketball. So sunday school worship was uber either way it went then there was cell which has always been such a great thing for me. So we watched a sermon which was done by a historian/ teacher who brought people to the actual sites of Jesus's acts and had lessons very nice. We listened in on how the freedom fighters in Jeruselem fought the Romans and how it related to the army. (Unfortunately not as relevant to me because I havent been going army for a month plus by now). Evan passed me this fantastic dvd on the death and resurrection of Jesus which had so many great sermons that I had to watch them all in one sitting, which I will write about in time. God's perfect timing is fantastic, I plan to go and watch the Passion of Jesus Christ with my mates on the day it opens, hopefully we can get those tickets, I'm sure that whatever happens will be God's perfect will.
Yes I'd love to talk about that, I just remembered. God's perfect will, his perfect plan for each and everyone of us. It really clears out alot of stress, frustration and anger when you commit your entire life to God. Of course this is beyond impossible for most of us, so I figured I'd start with commiting each day at the time. Whenever I have doubts or before I do anything I'd do my best to commit the situation to God, and trust me whenever he tells you to do something it's definitely the BEST way that you can live your life at any point of time. So this is my prayer for all of us, at this point of time coz it's the freshest thing in my mind right now. Commit everything to Jesus today, just ask him to lead you on and give him the trust that you will follow. I know that feeling, yes that one which your deepest emotions and desires leads you to say no to God, but try your uttermost best to learn more about God, then those voices which lead you astray will be that much easier to close out.
Remember that He loved/ loves you so much that he would send his own son to die for you, all he wants is for you to love him back and eventually you will understand why it is so great to live for his glory. It's just GREAT!! GREAT !!! hahaha. Everything is alright and I'm definitely loving it.
His will be done.
So what has been happening? My Sundays have always been packed to the max. I woke up at 730 to go to prepare to go to church and still came later (lol). But I beat my old record I managed to get to church in under 3 minutes! lalala~ I was so blur I forgot to bring my basketball. So sunday school worship was uber either way it went then there was cell which has always been such a great thing for me. So we watched a sermon which was done by a historian/ teacher who brought people to the actual sites of Jesus's acts and had lessons very nice. We listened in on how the freedom fighters in Jeruselem fought the Romans and how it related to the army. (Unfortunately not as relevant to me because I havent been going army for a month plus by now). Evan passed me this fantastic dvd on the death and resurrection of Jesus which had so many great sermons that I had to watch them all in one sitting, which I will write about in time. God's perfect timing is fantastic, I plan to go and watch the Passion of Jesus Christ with my mates on the day it opens, hopefully we can get those tickets, I'm sure that whatever happens will be God's perfect will.
Yes I'd love to talk about that, I just remembered. God's perfect will, his perfect plan for each and everyone of us. It really clears out alot of stress, frustration and anger when you commit your entire life to God. Of course this is beyond impossible for most of us, so I figured I'd start with commiting each day at the time. Whenever I have doubts or before I do anything I'd do my best to commit the situation to God, and trust me whenever he tells you to do something it's definitely the BEST way that you can live your life at any point of time. So this is my prayer for all of us, at this point of time coz it's the freshest thing in my mind right now. Commit everything to Jesus today, just ask him to lead you on and give him the trust that you will follow. I know that feeling, yes that one which your deepest emotions and desires leads you to say no to God, but try your uttermost best to learn more about God, then those voices which lead you astray will be that much easier to close out.
Remember that He loved/ loves you so much that he would send his own son to die for you, all he wants is for you to love him back and eventually you will understand why it is so great to live for his glory. It's just GREAT!! GREAT !!! hahaha. Everything is alright and I'm definitely loving it.
His will be done.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
I am such a happy guy today after remembering and refreshing, I really need to have a firm foundation with God or communication with him gets lost in translation. I'm seriously loving it, this is what living is all about, God I hope I never forget again. Don't ask me what, I can't explain it. I just feel great.
I recently regained my love of pool/ billard/ the act of hitting balls into holes for hours at end. It is a lovely game of concentration and tactics, now I have joined that league of posers who bring their own cues into billard houses. I can't help it I just love my cue. I'd like to thank Yao for sparking me to play better with his constant suaning and egoistic self praise, I live each day just to beat you haha. But for a good game, yup Chang gentleman pool man quiet and concentrated pool. Heard that Yao?! Yao!!
We ate at Lucky plaza after pool, please PLEASE people if you go to Lucky plaza to use the pool hall DO NOT eat at the $2 food court. They're food is the dirtiest crap in the universe. Chang and I got so sick after eating there, hak I'm still ill. And this is AC Iron Stomach we're talking about, we eat dirt for breakfast and we still got sick.
I also bought a nice jazz cd from Cine (Poser central of the world) wonderful stuff... Man I could listen to double bass jazz and latin jazz all day and night. Btw Norah Jones rocks! We met up for nothing basically, Orchard is for people who want to spend money, I was trying so hard not to spend my cash coz I was running so low... Damn you orchard road stop making me spend moneY!!! So we sat around like teenagers should.. Oh we saw a bunch of skaters get owned by the policemen. Ah well that's the price of rebellion. I hate not doing anything but sometimes aiyah wad to do we live in Singapore. No money = Dun go Orchard* Remember Ben!
I then followed Chang to his place and we played rugby which has to be one of the greatest sports of all time. Rain just made it even more fun. Boys and their toys, gotta love it.
Last thing that happened today was cell, but before that I totally siamed the guys to go eat free food with Ben Tan Johannes, Beng and the MG team! Michelle was wearing a MG uniform, abit insane. The rest well, MG will always be MG I don't try and figure them out they're all insane.
Cell was good I don't know what happened exactly but it was good for me, it reminded me how great life was for some reason. I feel awesome.
Dear God, I promise to try my absolute best to surrender all my worries to you and not try too hard to make everything perfect. I just wanna be in your presence and make everyone as happy as I am~
Bye Guys and Gals
P.S. Keep coming make my counter go up! and tAG! UNDERSTAND THE TAGGING!? TAGG!!!ARGH!
His will be done.
I recently regained my love of pool/ billard/ the act of hitting balls into holes for hours at end. It is a lovely game of concentration and tactics, now I have joined that league of posers who bring their own cues into billard houses. I can't help it I just love my cue. I'd like to thank Yao for sparking me to play better with his constant suaning and egoistic self praise, I live each day just to beat you haha. But for a good game, yup Chang gentleman pool man quiet and concentrated pool. Heard that Yao?! Yao!!
We ate at Lucky plaza after pool, please PLEASE people if you go to Lucky plaza to use the pool hall DO NOT eat at the $2 food court. They're food is the dirtiest crap in the universe. Chang and I got so sick after eating there, hak I'm still ill. And this is AC Iron Stomach we're talking about, we eat dirt for breakfast and we still got sick.
I also bought a nice jazz cd from Cine (Poser central of the world) wonderful stuff... Man I could listen to double bass jazz and latin jazz all day and night. Btw Norah Jones rocks! We met up for nothing basically, Orchard is for people who want to spend money, I was trying so hard not to spend my cash coz I was running so low... Damn you orchard road stop making me spend moneY!!! So we sat around like teenagers should.. Oh we saw a bunch of skaters get owned by the policemen. Ah well that's the price of rebellion. I hate not doing anything but sometimes aiyah wad to do we live in Singapore. No money = Dun go Orchard* Remember Ben!
I then followed Chang to his place and we played rugby which has to be one of the greatest sports of all time. Rain just made it even more fun. Boys and their toys, gotta love it.
Last thing that happened today was cell, but before that I totally siamed the guys to go eat free food with Ben Tan Johannes, Beng and the MG team! Michelle was wearing a MG uniform, abit insane. The rest well, MG will always be MG I don't try and figure them out they're all insane.
Cell was good I don't know what happened exactly but it was good for me, it reminded me how great life was for some reason. I feel awesome.
Dear God, I promise to try my absolute best to surrender all my worries to you and not try too hard to make everything perfect. I just wanna be in your presence and make everyone as happy as I am~
Bye Guys and Gals
P.S. Keep coming make my counter go up! and tAG! UNDERSTAND THE TAGGING!? TAGG!!!ARGH!
His will be done.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Woke up today to find out that my sister is sick, and a whole bunch of other people as well, hello bug season. Stay away from me please.
Have to send her to the doctor later but I think she's still sleeping.
Going to the gym in about an hour to do some running and weight lifting, go go go!
His will be done.
Have to send her to the doctor later but I think she's still sleeping.
Going to the gym in about an hour to do some running and weight lifting, go go go!
His will be done.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Just me ranting...
Extended till the end of April! Ownage~
Now to figure out how to use this month productively.
0. Read and study the Bible/ BSF/ T.P.D.L./
1. Study Phrasing on the guitar
2. Read the colourful books/ John Grey/ Larry King/ I.K.D.G/ B.A.P.P/ Dale Carnigie
3. Read the other books Mentoring/ God Chasers/ Purpose Driven Youth Ministry/ B.H.C.
4. Go and lose some weight/ shoot some hoops/ kick some ball...
Hmm what happened these past few days? We had the planet shakers concert, a picnic then we had a camp then we did a really gay video.
Planet Shakers was an interesting experience for me, it started off as a concert where I didn't know half the songs, was way too loud and had 2 weirdos teaching us how to do the great singapore workout. But the sermon taught us why shouting is relevant to a worship lifestyle. So basically loud music and screaming is good in the right context (lol). It also showed me how churches have different ways and there is no set rules to how a music worship session should be or a church should be. So I don't have to think so hard about that anymore.
The picnic was a rainy affair where I found out how to play abit of rugby, there were lots of monkeys!
I don't know much about the activities of the camp, too old and too pia kah to participate. The journey through the old testimont was somewhat interesting but I was too caught up with other things in my mind that I couldn't stay awake to hear it properly.
The gay video was just gay. Do you guys wanna know what we did? Ok fine, this is still fresh in my mind. I was just lazing around after reading too much and then the guys came over for the usual. (Pool, stealing of my food and messing up of my house.) Then I found out Dan needed to do a 2 minute video and these guys had been preparing to take part in this insane advert. It become a mockery of Kill Bill where Charmaine basically ran into my house and beat the crap out of us. Gay? Yes extremely utterly and stupidly gay. She hit us for real, sidekicked Yado in the ribs, hit chang in the solar plexus with my guitar and hit me in the tummy with my safari hat and kicked me right in my operation scar, I think she was relieving stress or something, good stuff. But it was quite funny, it also proved from the video that I have become fat to the point of grossness. Ack. Anyway, yes reminder to self go lose some weight you fat lazy fool~
Must keep myself busy, I've sat around the whole day playing CS it's just utterly disgusting.
His will be done.
Extended till the end of April! Ownage~
Now to figure out how to use this month productively.
0. Read and study the Bible/ BSF/ T.P.D.L./
1. Study Phrasing on the guitar
2. Read the colourful books/ John Grey/ Larry King/ I.K.D.G/ B.A.P.P/ Dale Carnigie
3. Read the other books Mentoring/ God Chasers/ Purpose Driven Youth Ministry/ B.H.C.
4. Go and lose some weight/ shoot some hoops/ kick some ball...
Hmm what happened these past few days? We had the planet shakers concert, a picnic then we had a camp then we did a really gay video.
Planet Shakers was an interesting experience for me, it started off as a concert where I didn't know half the songs, was way too loud and had 2 weirdos teaching us how to do the great singapore workout. But the sermon taught us why shouting is relevant to a worship lifestyle. So basically loud music and screaming is good in the right context (lol). It also showed me how churches have different ways and there is no set rules to how a music worship session should be or a church should be. So I don't have to think so hard about that anymore.
The picnic was a rainy affair where I found out how to play abit of rugby, there were lots of monkeys!
I don't know much about the activities of the camp, too old and too pia kah to participate. The journey through the old testimont was somewhat interesting but I was too caught up with other things in my mind that I couldn't stay awake to hear it properly.
The gay video was just gay. Do you guys wanna know what we did? Ok fine, this is still fresh in my mind. I was just lazing around after reading too much and then the guys came over for the usual. (Pool, stealing of my food and messing up of my house.) Then I found out Dan needed to do a 2 minute video and these guys had been preparing to take part in this insane advert. It become a mockery of Kill Bill where Charmaine basically ran into my house and beat the crap out of us. Gay? Yes extremely utterly and stupidly gay. She hit us for real, sidekicked Yado in the ribs, hit chang in the solar plexus with my guitar and hit me in the tummy with my safari hat and kicked me right in my operation scar, I think she was relieving stress or something, good stuff. But it was quite funny, it also proved from the video that I have become fat to the point of grossness. Ack. Anyway, yes reminder to self go lose some weight you fat lazy fool~
Must keep myself busy, I've sat around the whole day playing CS it's just utterly disgusting.
His will be done.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Oh by the way, you can skip opening up the bentrix for a while, there won't be many updates there until I find the free time to do them. I'll post them here so don't worry about missing anything.
On another note I created a comments column for those who feel that they have something which they would like to add to any of my posts please feel free to be as honest as you want. I believe in good communications, so don't worry.
I also placed a stats bar just to encourage myself that people actually bother to come to this site.
His will be done.
On another note I created a comments column for those who feel that they have something which they would like to add to any of my posts please feel free to be as honest as you want. I believe in good communications, so don't worry.
I also placed a stats bar just to encourage myself that people actually bother to come to this site.
His will be done.
*A Very Very HONEST, Down to earth post* - Which you may not like/ understand/ enjoy but it is necessary.
**This post is all about ME. So skip it if you feel uncomfortable about listening to a almost grown man talk about gays, video games, pride, himself and other not so cool stuff please skip.
***I basically explain why I am, so prepare yourself because I am a minority of men who are different. Whether you think of that as a show of pride, something to pity or something which is extremely advantageous, is completely up to your growth as a person and your growth as a christian. Also whether you're a boy or a girl.
****When I say boy or girl I mean on the average and based on surveys by many other people in the world who may not be Christ Centred(who knows?) but have used their lives to find out why men and women are the way they are.
Honesty and how to communicate it. As a male, I understand that God has created quite a number of us to be born naturally without the ability to communicate in words. The brain has all the ideas, emotions, plans which it wants to convey but due to the way our brains are wired to work from the beginning... some of us tend to be very bad at communicating what is truely on our mind.
Take this post for instance, I rewrote it 3 times to finally get what was on my mind on paper, can you imagine what it would be like if I had to say it out? On the spot? Therefore, I ask that you excuse some of the stupid things that come out of my mouth or my tendency to not talk at all, because I'm a guy and guys will understand it, but for the ladies bear with me, God isn't done with me. For guys that have issues with why I act weird, you'll find out if you can be bothered to read this personal "crap".
Some people wonder why I read books about understanding the nature of men and women. It is because God has given me a very unique situation where I was never truely given the opportunity to become a true blue male at the beginning because of my physical problems, I only truely started to become a real male when I had some bones removed and began to utilise the skills which are connected with males, aka I learnt the meaning of competition, ball games, flair and pride etc... Don't understand? I may write about it some day but I am definitely not qualified to write about it now.
So with my inability to be the man on the basketball court in my younger days, I pursued other things like music, books and art. Everything about me through tests prove that I should have turned into a complete ****(gay probably) if not for God's grace, video games and having alot of girls as "family friends" daughters in my life(Which makes it very hard not to be a male, yes). More importantly though is that though I did alot of these so called "girl" things when I was young, my greatest desire in my young human heart was to do all the "man" things which I couldn't do. MOST importantly is God had plans for me in his purpose and he loved me such and he did wire me to have that drive and desire to do "man" things and thus I didn't become a ****.
So when I finally became able to do sports and compete in real things, things got more interesting.
So basically this is where I stand in my life, I am neither truely "Man" (Completely into what a Avr. Man should be) or a **** (Completely gone case, so feminine that I become gay). Which gives me the best opportunity to learn how to interact and understand both species because I've spent time on both worlds. It also makes my life extremely difficult right now because socially I have more trouble understanding men completely because I led a different life from most of them and have almost no clue how to understand women because even if I have a slightly more feminine mind than most men, I'm still a guy. Not to mention how uncomfortable it is for me to be around some girls, that just leads me to crawl back into my comfort zone and literally zone out.
But with further experience and knowledge I might have a special special chance to touch both men and women's lives for God.
So right now you're either nodding your head, understanding my ramblings and can imagine how difficult it is to become everything to everyone for the higher purpose without using these abilities to my own selfish ends.
Or you think I'm a hopelessly confused idiot who is going to get killed for being a sexist bastard to both sexes!
Either way writing this has been a great release for me and I promise you I won't write about this publicly again unless asked to because this is a largely private sector of my life. My studies and experiences with both men and women will be completely private till a day I hear a clear sign from God that I should write about it.
So please please please if you see me reading books which seem to be utterly sexist and stupid, please don't criticise me, I'm only learning to become what I am supposed to be.
His will be done.
**This post is all about ME. So skip it if you feel uncomfortable about listening to a almost grown man talk about gays, video games, pride, himself and other not so cool stuff please skip.
***I basically explain why I am, so prepare yourself because I am a minority of men who are different. Whether you think of that as a show of pride, something to pity or something which is extremely advantageous, is completely up to your growth as a person and your growth as a christian. Also whether you're a boy or a girl.
****When I say boy or girl I mean on the average and based on surveys by many other people in the world who may not be Christ Centred(who knows?) but have used their lives to find out why men and women are the way they are.
Honesty and how to communicate it. As a male, I understand that God has created quite a number of us to be born naturally without the ability to communicate in words. The brain has all the ideas, emotions, plans which it wants to convey but due to the way our brains are wired to work from the beginning... some of us tend to be very bad at communicating what is truely on our mind.
Take this post for instance, I rewrote it 3 times to finally get what was on my mind on paper, can you imagine what it would be like if I had to say it out? On the spot? Therefore, I ask that you excuse some of the stupid things that come out of my mouth or my tendency to not talk at all, because I'm a guy and guys will understand it, but for the ladies bear with me, God isn't done with me. For guys that have issues with why I act weird, you'll find out if you can be bothered to read this personal "crap".
Some people wonder why I read books about understanding the nature of men and women. It is because God has given me a very unique situation where I was never truely given the opportunity to become a true blue male at the beginning because of my physical problems, I only truely started to become a real male when I had some bones removed and began to utilise the skills which are connected with males, aka I learnt the meaning of competition, ball games, flair and pride etc... Don't understand? I may write about it some day but I am definitely not qualified to write about it now.
So with my inability to be the man on the basketball court in my younger days, I pursued other things like music, books and art. Everything about me through tests prove that I should have turned into a complete ****(gay probably) if not for God's grace, video games and having alot of girls as "family friends" daughters in my life(Which makes it very hard not to be a male, yes). More importantly though is that though I did alot of these so called "girl" things when I was young, my greatest desire in my young human heart was to do all the "man" things which I couldn't do. MOST importantly is God had plans for me in his purpose and he loved me such and he did wire me to have that drive and desire to do "man" things and thus I didn't become a ****.
So when I finally became able to do sports and compete in real things, things got more interesting.
So basically this is where I stand in my life, I am neither truely "Man" (Completely into what a Avr. Man should be) or a **** (Completely gone case, so feminine that I become gay). Which gives me the best opportunity to learn how to interact and understand both species because I've spent time on both worlds. It also makes my life extremely difficult right now because socially I have more trouble understanding men completely because I led a different life from most of them and have almost no clue how to understand women because even if I have a slightly more feminine mind than most men, I'm still a guy. Not to mention how uncomfortable it is for me to be around some girls, that just leads me to crawl back into my comfort zone and literally zone out.
But with further experience and knowledge I might have a special special chance to touch both men and women's lives for God.
So right now you're either nodding your head, understanding my ramblings and can imagine how difficult it is to become everything to everyone for the higher purpose without using these abilities to my own selfish ends.
Or you think I'm a hopelessly confused idiot who is going to get killed for being a sexist bastard to both sexes!
Either way writing this has been a great release for me and I promise you I won't write about this publicly again unless asked to because this is a largely private sector of my life. My studies and experiences with both men and women will be completely private till a day I hear a clear sign from God that I should write about it.
So please please please if you see me reading books which seem to be utterly sexist and stupid, please don't criticise me, I'm only learning to become what I am supposed to be.
His will be done.
Monday, March 15, 2004
And here we go again!~~ (Evan called me a exclaimation mark kinda guy, I think it's true, hahahah)
!LVL UP!
Did I mention how much I enjoy finding out I still have much to learn? I hope you guys have the correct picture of me when you read my blog/ see me as a leader/ worshiping, etc... I'm still very much a young christian in every aspect of those words. I only just became a real Christian a few weeks ago and I'm still really shakey at it. Though I very much enjoy leading from the front, my greater concern is that in everything I do, I do not accidently lead people astray.
What new things did I learn this few days? Well the most important one was how I should spend more time reading the word of God because right now my foundation is based on what other people have learnt from the Bible not my own. The Living Word of God, such an obvious foundation and I continuously delayed it because I thought it was too tedious. Oops. So I've decided to follow through on that path and start studying my mum's old BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) notes and start relying on my parents' knowledge of the Bible.
Worship! Yes music worship this week was very fun for some of us and it allowed some of us to connect and praise God in a different way. But I need more time to think about it. So no blabbering!
Other stuff
- Man/ Woman relationships. When we talk about BGR, we naturally think Boyfriend/Girlfriend. But what about being Brothers and Sisters in Christ? This is one of the issues I'm tackling with at this point of time. Man I made such a stupid mistake, last week literally flirting with disaster, fortunately I managed to back out before I did something I would regret. Yes Ben you know who it is REMEMBER NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN. (Flirting is bad if you don't mean it, flirting is bad if you don't mean it..... SIGH I can be such a fool sometimes...)
-Ridding myself of my old and stupid habits. I'm sorry to the people who I tend to act haughty and mighty around. It's really hard for me to lose these old habits because they've become a part of my character, it's worse when I'm around people who have known me before my wake up call from God (Which is more or less all the people I know, because I'm already so used to being a *high nosed, thinks you're wrong, constantly wants you to think like him, unfriendly prick* (Yes there is no other word for it.). Please forgive me if possible because I'm still new. I like this little bit of knowledge I picked up while reading, men tend to solve their problems as quickly as possible, women tend to want to talk about it and want you to listen rather than comment. So Ben SHUTUP!
-Phrasing for Guitar. Finally, something which has nothing to do with me making a mistake. Haha j/king, anyway I started on my journey as a Guitar Explorer, learning new styles of improvisation and new styles of music. Very Uberistic baby, Yeah! Jon Ong teach me!!!
I will probably start updating the different sides of my webpage very soon.
With the Church Camp coming up I can start taking pictures again (With the permission of you guys of course :)),
with my new found experience with Guitar I can start writing some interesting stuff about my journey,
and my studies on psychology which has been such a good thing for me.
FInally my blog of course! :D
His will be done.
!LVL UP!
Did I mention how much I enjoy finding out I still have much to learn? I hope you guys have the correct picture of me when you read my blog/ see me as a leader/ worshiping, etc... I'm still very much a young christian in every aspect of those words. I only just became a real Christian a few weeks ago and I'm still really shakey at it. Though I very much enjoy leading from the front, my greater concern is that in everything I do, I do not accidently lead people astray.
What new things did I learn this few days? Well the most important one was how I should spend more time reading the word of God because right now my foundation is based on what other people have learnt from the Bible not my own. The Living Word of God, such an obvious foundation and I continuously delayed it because I thought it was too tedious. Oops. So I've decided to follow through on that path and start studying my mum's old BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) notes and start relying on my parents' knowledge of the Bible.
Worship! Yes music worship this week was very fun for some of us and it allowed some of us to connect and praise God in a different way. But I need more time to think about it. So no blabbering!
Other stuff
- Man/ Woman relationships. When we talk about BGR, we naturally think Boyfriend/Girlfriend. But what about being Brothers and Sisters in Christ? This is one of the issues I'm tackling with at this point of time. Man I made such a stupid mistake, last week literally flirting with disaster, fortunately I managed to back out before I did something I would regret. Yes Ben you know who it is REMEMBER NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN. (Flirting is bad if you don't mean it, flirting is bad if you don't mean it..... SIGH I can be such a fool sometimes...)
-Ridding myself of my old and stupid habits. I'm sorry to the people who I tend to act haughty and mighty around. It's really hard for me to lose these old habits because they've become a part of my character, it's worse when I'm around people who have known me before my wake up call from God (Which is more or less all the people I know, because I'm already so used to being a *high nosed, thinks you're wrong, constantly wants you to think like him, unfriendly prick* (Yes there is no other word for it.). Please forgive me if possible because I'm still new. I like this little bit of knowledge I picked up while reading, men tend to solve their problems as quickly as possible, women tend to want to talk about it and want you to listen rather than comment. So Ben SHUTUP!
-Phrasing for Guitar. Finally, something which has nothing to do with me making a mistake. Haha j/king, anyway I started on my journey as a Guitar Explorer, learning new styles of improvisation and new styles of music. Very Uberistic baby, Yeah! Jon Ong teach me!!!
I will probably start updating the different sides of my webpage very soon.
With the Church Camp coming up I can start taking pictures again (With the permission of you guys of course :)),
with my new found experience with Guitar I can start writing some interesting stuff about my journey,
and my studies on psychology which has been such a good thing for me.
FInally my blog of course! :D
His will be done.
Friday, March 12, 2004
I was reading through Charmaine's post today. (can always trust Charmaine to read books which will cause you to think)
"You ask yourself, why am I bothering to write these books? I can’t pretend the mainstream will listen to the news I have to bring. I can’t pretend I’m subverting anything, because any reader capable of decoding my subversive messages does not need to hear them."
The rest was abit irrelevant to me and I was way too tired to read the entire thing.
I'm not writing to oppose any government or anything.
So how does this relate to writing a Blog about Christian living? I was abit stunned for a while when I read this part, I thought hey... they're right if the person is capable of decoding what I write then why does he need to hear them? It also led to doubts like alot of people are gonna read this blog and may understand from an observer's point of view but not from personal experience.
Then came the obvious bit: So why bother?
I can't truely explain why I feel that this blog can be useful to people. But what you get out of it is completely up to God and You. I won't explain in worldly terms what it is, experience is the best teacher.
Type more in the later morning, too tired must sleep :O yawnZ...
His will be done.
"You ask yourself, why am I bothering to write these books? I can’t pretend the mainstream will listen to the news I have to bring. I can’t pretend I’m subverting anything, because any reader capable of decoding my subversive messages does not need to hear them."
The rest was abit irrelevant to me and I was way too tired to read the entire thing.
I'm not writing to oppose any government or anything.
So how does this relate to writing a Blog about Christian living? I was abit stunned for a while when I read this part, I thought hey... they're right if the person is capable of decoding what I write then why does he need to hear them? It also led to doubts like alot of people are gonna read this blog and may understand from an observer's point of view but not from personal experience.
Then came the obvious bit: So why bother?
I can't truely explain why I feel that this blog can be useful to people. But what you get out of it is completely up to God and You. I won't explain in worldly terms what it is, experience is the best teacher.
Type more in the later morning, too tired must sleep :O yawnZ...
His will be done.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Hi friends again,
Well I just had my stitches removed, wasen't that bad really the new generation of stitches come out so easily it's bearable. What caught my attention is that this was the first time Dr. Tho has dealt with a person with my situation. I believe he wanted to give me only 2 more weeks to recover, I hope I can persuade him to give me the standard 2 1/2 - 3 months because recovery takes extra time and I'm not hopping for joy to go back into the army.
What's more interesting is the fact that the army wants to check up on my certificate so that they can force me to stay longer in the army. I hope I can persuade my way out of that one as well. Persuading and manipulating, almost the same thing yet so different.
Well I'm always glad for extra trials and tribulations because of the learning that it brings. So come what may... I still will live for God and what he wants me to do.
His will be done.
Well I just had my stitches removed, wasen't that bad really the new generation of stitches come out so easily it's bearable. What caught my attention is that this was the first time Dr. Tho has dealt with a person with my situation. I believe he wanted to give me only 2 more weeks to recover, I hope I can persuade him to give me the standard 2 1/2 - 3 months because recovery takes extra time and I'm not hopping for joy to go back into the army.
What's more interesting is the fact that the army wants to check up on my certificate so that they can force me to stay longer in the army. I hope I can persuade my way out of that one as well. Persuading and manipulating, almost the same thing yet so different.
Well I'm always glad for extra trials and tribulations because of the learning that it brings. So come what may... I still will live for God and what he wants me to do.
His will be done.
#3 "Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet"
P B P G I N F W M Y
Dear God & Friends reading,
*[ ] bits are for God :D Dun worry you can read it too!
[ I hope God that you'll give me the strength and wisdom to complete my objectives and purposes for this point of my life ] [ Thanks for letting me be a part of your plan Lord!I won't let you down! ].
Today I learnt the value of time. I learnt that everything on earth has its own time and its own season. And while I know there are no shortcuts to maturity, I surely tried to learn and digest as much as I could in the shortest period of time. Basically, I tried to ripen the fruit too quickly and was going to end up with a crappy fruit which loses it's flavour. Now I understand that the best tasting fruit is one which is allowed to mature slowly.(As interpreted from TPDL * The Purpose Driven Life)
I wanted to mature as fast as I could so that I could fulfill my purposes as quickly as possible and see great things happen fast. I rushed to far without thinking about the concern that God has which is how strong we grow. I forgot the concept of eternity and now I realise there really isn't any hurry to become matured quickly.
I like the way Lane Adams compared the process of spiritual growth to the strategy the Allies used in World War 2 to liberate islands in the South Pacific.(I'm a war movie junkie so bear with me :))
First they would "soften up" an island, weakening the resistance by shelling the enemy strongholds with bombs from offshore ships. Next, a small group of Marines would invade the island and establish a "beachhead" - a tiny fragment of the island that they could control. Once the beachhead was secured, they would begin the long process of liberating the rest of the island, one territory at the time. Eventually the whole island would be brought under control, but not without some costly battles.
Adam drew this parallel: Before Christ invades our lives at conversion, he sometimes has to "soften us up" by allowing problems we can't handle (For me, one of them would be Army). While some open their lives to Christ the first time he knocks on the door, most of us are resistant and defensive. Our pre-conversion experience is Jesus saying, "Behold I stand at the door and bomb!"
The moment we open ourselves to Christ, God gets a "beachhead" on our lives. We hay think we have surrendered all our lives to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren't even aware of. You can only give God as much as you understand at that moment. He then begins his campaign to take more territories until all there is is completely his. There will be struggles and battles but the out come will never be in doubt.
This is what drives the message home for me,
God has promised that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
I understand now that spiritual maturity is a life time process and there is definately no quick fix to becoming more Christ like.
My desire to learn to much too soon overwhelmed my human mind, I came to understand that we have to keep re-learning things over and over and we have much deep rooted habits which we have to un-learn, we have to face the truth about ourselves and become humble.
This became apparent to me when I pushed myself too far ahead of where God wanted me to be and became utterly blurrified. Everything that I needed to say came out wrong, everything I needed to do was not done completely to his will and I knew something was terribly wrong.
What is this is speak of? I'll tell you as much as I can.
One day my friends decided to do something extremely nice and come over to join me for breakfast. One thing led to another and eventually we found ourselves downstairs strumming a few tunes. One thing that I already knew was that Chang, Yado and I worked very well together as a band. At that point of time, all that came to mind was, wow we could really sound better and have more fun if Charmaine and Xiao Hui joined us.
So I organised a jam session, at that point of time I was already thinking that this was part of God's plan but I hadn't sat down to really reflect on what I was doing. Frankly it wasen't until everyone was just making their own music and doing their own thing that I started to realise what I was supposed to do. So I did it and salvaged something not so good into some thing alright when it should have been put further down the road of time and would have came out as some thing awesome. After the realisation of what I was supposed to do came the realisation that it was way too early to do such a thing. I hope I didn't cause any of my friends to fall because of this especially those who are still very young in spiritual maturity. To top it off, God decided that it was time for me to come to peace with someone and I completely ignored the person and probably gave her a even worser impression of me (definately) and MAY have made something in her life worse (this one is just assumption). All in all God decided to show me that I can't make anything better if I'm rushing too far ahead of myself, and I totally failed him when I did. Basically now I have to face the consequences of those actions, but it is a some what easy price to pay for something which could have been much worse.
Now that I know that Growth can be painful and scary, I can prepare myself for change which will come with fear and loss and pain.
I hope that I can portray a person who doesn't build my identity around my defects, the "It's just the way I yam" Popeye syndrome "I yam what I yam".
I was discouraged by this turn of events but now with this deeper understanding, I can move on and correct my ways.
Patience and Persistence in all areas of spiritual growth!
His will be done. Amen.
P B P G I N F W M Y
Dear God & Friends reading,
*[ ] bits are for God :D Dun worry you can read it too!
[ I hope God that you'll give me the strength and wisdom to complete my objectives and purposes for this point of my life ] [ Thanks for letting me be a part of your plan Lord!I won't let you down! ].
Today I learnt the value of time. I learnt that everything on earth has its own time and its own season. And while I know there are no shortcuts to maturity, I surely tried to learn and digest as much as I could in the shortest period of time. Basically, I tried to ripen the fruit too quickly and was going to end up with a crappy fruit which loses it's flavour. Now I understand that the best tasting fruit is one which is allowed to mature slowly.(As interpreted from TPDL * The Purpose Driven Life)
I wanted to mature as fast as I could so that I could fulfill my purposes as quickly as possible and see great things happen fast. I rushed to far without thinking about the concern that God has which is how strong we grow. I forgot the concept of eternity and now I realise there really isn't any hurry to become matured quickly.
I like the way Lane Adams compared the process of spiritual growth to the strategy the Allies used in World War 2 to liberate islands in the South Pacific.(I'm a war movie junkie so bear with me :))
First they would "soften up" an island, weakening the resistance by shelling the enemy strongholds with bombs from offshore ships. Next, a small group of Marines would invade the island and establish a "beachhead" - a tiny fragment of the island that they could control. Once the beachhead was secured, they would begin the long process of liberating the rest of the island, one territory at the time. Eventually the whole island would be brought under control, but not without some costly battles.
Adam drew this parallel: Before Christ invades our lives at conversion, he sometimes has to "soften us up" by allowing problems we can't handle (For me, one of them would be Army). While some open their lives to Christ the first time he knocks on the door, most of us are resistant and defensive. Our pre-conversion experience is Jesus saying, "Behold I stand at the door and bomb!"
The moment we open ourselves to Christ, God gets a "beachhead" on our lives. We hay think we have surrendered all our lives to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren't even aware of. You can only give God as much as you understand at that moment. He then begins his campaign to take more territories until all there is is completely his. There will be struggles and battles but the out come will never be in doubt.
This is what drives the message home for me,
God has promised that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
I understand now that spiritual maturity is a life time process and there is definately no quick fix to becoming more Christ like.
My desire to learn to much too soon overwhelmed my human mind, I came to understand that we have to keep re-learning things over and over and we have much deep rooted habits which we have to un-learn, we have to face the truth about ourselves and become humble.
This became apparent to me when I pushed myself too far ahead of where God wanted me to be and became utterly blurrified. Everything that I needed to say came out wrong, everything I needed to do was not done completely to his will and I knew something was terribly wrong.
What is this is speak of? I'll tell you as much as I can.
One day my friends decided to do something extremely nice and come over to join me for breakfast. One thing led to another and eventually we found ourselves downstairs strumming a few tunes. One thing that I already knew was that Chang, Yado and I worked very well together as a band. At that point of time, all that came to mind was, wow we could really sound better and have more fun if Charmaine and Xiao Hui joined us.
So I organised a jam session, at that point of time I was already thinking that this was part of God's plan but I hadn't sat down to really reflect on what I was doing. Frankly it wasen't until everyone was just making their own music and doing their own thing that I started to realise what I was supposed to do. So I did it and salvaged something not so good into some thing alright when it should have been put further down the road of time and would have came out as some thing awesome. After the realisation of what I was supposed to do came the realisation that it was way too early to do such a thing. I hope I didn't cause any of my friends to fall because of this especially those who are still very young in spiritual maturity. To top it off, God decided that it was time for me to come to peace with someone and I completely ignored the person and probably gave her a even worser impression of me (definately) and MAY have made something in her life worse (this one is just assumption). All in all God decided to show me that I can't make anything better if I'm rushing too far ahead of myself, and I totally failed him when I did. Basically now I have to face the consequences of those actions, but it is a some what easy price to pay for something which could have been much worse.
Now that I know that Growth can be painful and scary, I can prepare myself for change which will come with fear and loss and pain.
I hope that I can portray a person who doesn't build my identity around my defects, the "It's just the way I yam" Popeye syndrome "I yam what I yam".
I was discouraged by this turn of events but now with this deeper understanding, I can move on and correct my ways.
Patience and Persistence in all areas of spiritual growth!
His will be done. Amen.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Hi Guys & Gals,
After waking up and playing way too much CS and ET I decided to add on to yesterday's little message with this one which I had the honour of listening to. Have a look see and think: If Bernard can write some thing this wonderful while rushing to keep a deadline, man I would really like to hear one of his prepared ones.
#2 LESSON: OVERCOMING ANGER & VIOLENCE, as understood by Ben via Bernard, teacher to the young.
Ok doods/doodettes, before we start let's just think about this situation for a moment:
You're at a function at your school and you see 2 of your friends fighting (physically/verbally up to you), you walk up to them and they begin to justify why they fight. One of your mates says "Aiyah he/she suan me first!", the other said "Joking only what! He/She hit me!" then shee shor sheah sheah they argue argue argue....
Have you ever seen a fight before? Why do people get angry and violent? In the situation before, think about: who was wrong?/what was wrong?/ why was it wrong?
....Thought about it? Ok stick it in the back of your mind.
Now then, ask yourself: When was the last time YOU got angry or violent?
For me it was when a bunch of my friends kept throwing balls on my pool table and didn't stop when I asked them to. So I got angry and raised my voice* (Sorry guys you were damaging my table, I had to do something quick and drastic)
*(Which isn't the right way btw. Please refer to my interpersonal skills page if you wanna see what I think would have been the correct way. http://www.freewebs.com/bensits/interpersonalskills.htm. Hasen't been written as of today, read later!)
Next think, What did some one or some thing do to you that made you mad?
Thought about it?
Don't look down here till you do :D Ok? Let's move on.
THE CAUSES OF ANGER AND VIOLENCE
For myself, I wrote things like:
a. Making fun of people's shortcomings. "Haha you fail again hahahar!!"
b. Arguements/ Inability to give in to one another. "No! My way! Your way is stupid!!"
c. Not thinking the situation through. "But Chicken Flu good what!"
d. Lack of self confidence. "Who say I lousy!!??"
All these will usually lead to the push push stare stare loud loud situation.
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
Why do we become Angry?
THE ANGRY CONNECTION: The connection between anger & violence.
-Anger is normal and natural, don't worry if you get angry any time in your life because as humans we are wired to be that way. We become weak when we are angry, the worst thing is to do something you'll regret while you're angry.
Don't feel guilty the next time you're angry instead...
RESPOND to our anger according to the way God wants us to:
Ephesians 4
v.26-27 - "In your anger do not sin": Solve your anger issues as soon as possible. Take the initiative and time to sit down and do what is required to solve your anger. Whether it is talking to the person who hurt you or just calming yourself down because life goes on. Anger is one of the Devil's cheap tricks to make you go astray and unhappy. Be careful of what you do when you're angry.
v. 31-32 - "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Basically rid your self of all those bad emotions. Why? Simply because Christ himself did/ would do it for you.
Seperate your emotions from behaviour/actions in this kind of situation because it usually ends up BAD.
Well then, where does all this anger and violence come from within ourselves?
-Developmental Changes: We are all still young! No matter what us 19 year olds think! Because God will create new situations and events in our lives which will test us. Currently we are works-in-progress, so the trials and tribulations, events, blessings are all leading us to become what we shall become. I won't go into too much detail at the moment.
(This is relevant to everyone who is still maturing and growing, age is not a factor!)
Things like:
>Finding your identity in Christ, personal dignity, self-worth, independence.
>Emotional growth, maturity
>Managing your EXPECTATIONS, I can't stress this enough, unrealistic expectations will kill out all the joy in your life. Look at things from an eternal point of view (may be hard to understand at this point but ask me if you're wondering what I mean) and set goals and expectations in accordance with God's will, that way you will never be so disappointed that you'll fall apart completely.
CONTINUAL THREAT
>Sustained abuse. May not be so for everyone but people do have to deal with people who constantly abuse their being. If you are one of these people, pray to God for the guidance as to how to deal with this. ( You can talk to me about it too if you want :D) If you're fortunate not to be, please help these people if you know them and also pray for them.
>Social Learning. Parents, Peers, Media. Where you learn how to become angry about stuff I guess. Remember you are God's child, so all the things you pick up from anywhere is your responsibilty to make sure that they are in accordance with his will.
>!Chronic Anger!. Do you get angry all the time? Do you think you have a bad temper? Want to get rid of it? We all know that Anger is bad for us. It leads to health issues physical/menta/spiritual. Destroys relationships. And worst of all if you repress/hide/deny it all that does is make it worse! Boom! One day you just explode! GG!(Good Game!)
-So how do you lose your anger? How do you destroy this evil thing which makes life just that much harder to live?
HOW TO OVERCOME ANGER AND AVOID THE USE OF VIOLENCE?
No matter what you think at this point of time. Anger and violence is nothing good, anyway you justify it, life with anger isn't fun. When you finally understand this, this section will make sense to you.
First some ideas...
-Work it out. Ask for help from parents, pastors, teachers, counselors - there is no shame in this, true courage comes from facing up to yourself. (Taken from Bernard)
-Don't fight back!. In school or what I call stupid situations with people who don't know/mean what they say and are just saying these things because they picked it up from SOCIAL LEARNING (haha see?) they say it without thinking too much, because they think it's alright and frankly it's in our culture to suan each other. Doesn't mean you have to take part in it! Ganna suan? Smile and say something NICE to the person like "Yes, thanks for the critique, I'll think about it." don't make it sound like sarcasm, be sincere. Basically being nice to a person makes it very hard for the person to be mean to you. Break down his defences with Christ-like niceness, see how he acts next time.
>IGNORE THE BUGGER!
But if that doesn't work, just remember in your heart that this suaning is all in our culture, just move on 'cause bad parts of culture just arn't important in the eternal aspects of things. Place your trust in things you can rely on a.k.a. Christ.
>TELL GOD ABOUT IT/ ASK HIM WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Of course this would be the most important thing, all the rest of the things I write are all just my ideas which I mostly get from God. In any situation, surrender it to God. Sit down and just talk to him about it and ask him what to do about it. Please don't just say you want it this this that way. Actually ask him what he thinks is best, when it happens to not fall with what you want the perfect christian would be able to follow it. But of course we are not perfect and God loves honesty so feel free to slug it out with him. Who knows he might just give in! God of Loveeeee... but if he doesn't just keep it in your soul that whatever he says/does is the BEST way for you. (No "maybe" about it)
Ok haha moving on... lets talk about the understanding how it happens & why and also
BECOMING AWARE AND MANAGING THE PROCESS
Triggers - Events, self interpretations. (self-critique)
Cues - Heavy breathing, adredeline.
Reminders - "Relax your self... God, Let's work this out..."
Reduce - the Anger practically. Live and learn mate, you gotta figure out how you can allow
your anger to give out alternately. Maybe talk to a friend, just don't hurt yourself or
others around you. Don't hit a wall, don't scream, don't waltz out of class during a lesson. That kinda thing.
Self Evaluation - Get rid of your pride and sit down and evaluate yourself everyday learn from experiences and remember them for future reference and strength.
WHAT GOD SAYS. 'nuff said.
Please refer to the Bible for this, yes go find your bible nowwwww...
(" " means my interpretation)
TALK TO HIM!
Refer to Psalms 139.
The Psalmist's trust in God...(v. 1-4) ..."you know me completely"
His anger against wicked people...(v. 19-24)...Read!
KNOW THAT GOD PROTECTS
Refer to Psalms 3:1-8
"A shield around me, you bestow glory on me, answers me, sustains me, bless your people."
LEARN TO FORGIVE & RELY ON GOD'S SPIRIT & HIS PEACE
Ephesians 4
John 14-23-27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His will be done. Thanks for reading, I pray this blesses you and those around you as much it did to me. Whew! Hand tired!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After waking up and playing way too much CS and ET I decided to add on to yesterday's little message with this one which I had the honour of listening to. Have a look see and think: If Bernard can write some thing this wonderful while rushing to keep a deadline, man I would really like to hear one of his prepared ones.
#2 LESSON: OVERCOMING ANGER & VIOLENCE, as understood by Ben via Bernard, teacher to the young.
Ok doods/doodettes, before we start let's just think about this situation for a moment:
You're at a function at your school and you see 2 of your friends fighting (physically/verbally up to you), you walk up to them and they begin to justify why they fight. One of your mates says "Aiyah he/she suan me first!", the other said "Joking only what! He/She hit me!" then shee shor sheah sheah they argue argue argue....
Have you ever seen a fight before? Why do people get angry and violent? In the situation before, think about: who was wrong?/what was wrong?/ why was it wrong?
....Thought about it? Ok stick it in the back of your mind.
Now then, ask yourself: When was the last time YOU got angry or violent?
For me it was when a bunch of my friends kept throwing balls on my pool table and didn't stop when I asked them to. So I got angry and raised my voice* (Sorry guys you were damaging my table, I had to do something quick and drastic)
*(Which isn't the right way btw. Please refer to my interpersonal skills page if you wanna see what I think would have been the correct way. http://www.freewebs.com/bensits/interpersonalskills.htm. Hasen't been written as of today, read later!)
Next think, What did some one or some thing do to you that made you mad?
Thought about it?
Don't look down here till you do :D Ok? Let's move on.
THE CAUSES OF ANGER AND VIOLENCE
For myself, I wrote things like:
a. Making fun of people's shortcomings. "Haha you fail again hahahar!!"
b. Arguements/ Inability to give in to one another. "No! My way! Your way is stupid!!"
c. Not thinking the situation through. "But Chicken Flu good what!"
d. Lack of self confidence. "Who say I lousy!!??"
All these will usually lead to the push push stare stare loud loud situation.
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
Why do we become Angry?
THE ANGRY CONNECTION: The connection between anger & violence.
-Anger is normal and natural, don't worry if you get angry any time in your life because as humans we are wired to be that way. We become weak when we are angry, the worst thing is to do something you'll regret while you're angry.
Don't feel guilty the next time you're angry instead...
RESPOND to our anger according to the way God wants us to:
Ephesians 4
v.26-27 - "In your anger do not sin": Solve your anger issues as soon as possible. Take the initiative and time to sit down and do what is required to solve your anger. Whether it is talking to the person who hurt you or just calming yourself down because life goes on. Anger is one of the Devil's cheap tricks to make you go astray and unhappy. Be careful of what you do when you're angry.
v. 31-32 - "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Basically rid your self of all those bad emotions. Why? Simply because Christ himself did/ would do it for you.
Seperate your emotions from behaviour/actions in this kind of situation because it usually ends up BAD.
Well then, where does all this anger and violence come from within ourselves?
-Developmental Changes: We are all still young! No matter what us 19 year olds think! Because God will create new situations and events in our lives which will test us. Currently we are works-in-progress, so the trials and tribulations, events, blessings are all leading us to become what we shall become. I won't go into too much detail at the moment.
(This is relevant to everyone who is still maturing and growing, age is not a factor!)
Things like:
>Finding your identity in Christ, personal dignity, self-worth, independence.
>Emotional growth, maturity
>Managing your EXPECTATIONS, I can't stress this enough, unrealistic expectations will kill out all the joy in your life. Look at things from an eternal point of view (may be hard to understand at this point but ask me if you're wondering what I mean) and set goals and expectations in accordance with God's will, that way you will never be so disappointed that you'll fall apart completely.
CONTINUAL THREAT
>Sustained abuse. May not be so for everyone but people do have to deal with people who constantly abuse their being. If you are one of these people, pray to God for the guidance as to how to deal with this. ( You can talk to me about it too if you want :D) If you're fortunate not to be, please help these people if you know them and also pray for them.
>Social Learning. Parents, Peers, Media. Where you learn how to become angry about stuff I guess. Remember you are God's child, so all the things you pick up from anywhere is your responsibilty to make sure that they are in accordance with his will.
>!Chronic Anger!. Do you get angry all the time? Do you think you have a bad temper? Want to get rid of it? We all know that Anger is bad for us. It leads to health issues physical/menta/spiritual. Destroys relationships. And worst of all if you repress/hide/deny it all that does is make it worse! Boom! One day you just explode! GG!(Good Game!)
-So how do you lose your anger? How do you destroy this evil thing which makes life just that much harder to live?
HOW TO OVERCOME ANGER AND AVOID THE USE OF VIOLENCE?
No matter what you think at this point of time. Anger and violence is nothing good, anyway you justify it, life with anger isn't fun. When you finally understand this, this section will make sense to you.
First some ideas...
-Work it out. Ask for help from parents, pastors, teachers, counselors - there is no shame in this, true courage comes from facing up to yourself. (Taken from Bernard)
-Don't fight back!. In school or what I call stupid situations with people who don't know/mean what they say and are just saying these things because they picked it up from SOCIAL LEARNING (haha see?) they say it without thinking too much, because they think it's alright and frankly it's in our culture to suan each other. Doesn't mean you have to take part in it! Ganna suan? Smile and say something NICE to the person like "Yes, thanks for the critique, I'll think about it." don't make it sound like sarcasm, be sincere. Basically being nice to a person makes it very hard for the person to be mean to you. Break down his defences with Christ-like niceness, see how he acts next time.
>IGNORE THE BUGGER!
But if that doesn't work, just remember in your heart that this suaning is all in our culture, just move on 'cause bad parts of culture just arn't important in the eternal aspects of things. Place your trust in things you can rely on a.k.a. Christ.
>TELL GOD ABOUT IT/ ASK HIM WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Of course this would be the most important thing, all the rest of the things I write are all just my ideas which I mostly get from God. In any situation, surrender it to God. Sit down and just talk to him about it and ask him what to do about it. Please don't just say you want it this this that way. Actually ask him what he thinks is best, when it happens to not fall with what you want the perfect christian would be able to follow it. But of course we are not perfect and God loves honesty so feel free to slug it out with him. Who knows he might just give in! God of Loveeeee... but if he doesn't just keep it in your soul that whatever he says/does is the BEST way for you. (No "maybe" about it)
Ok haha moving on... lets talk about the understanding how it happens & why and also
BECOMING AWARE AND MANAGING THE PROCESS
Triggers - Events, self interpretations. (self-critique)
Cues - Heavy breathing, adredeline.
Reminders - "Relax your self... God, Let's work this out..."
Reduce - the Anger practically. Live and learn mate, you gotta figure out how you can allow
your anger to give out alternately. Maybe talk to a friend, just don't hurt yourself or
others around you. Don't hit a wall, don't scream, don't waltz out of class during a lesson. That kinda thing.
Self Evaluation - Get rid of your pride and sit down and evaluate yourself everyday learn from experiences and remember them for future reference and strength.
WHAT GOD SAYS. 'nuff said.
Please refer to the Bible for this, yes go find your bible nowwwww...
(" " means my interpretation)
TALK TO HIM!
Refer to Psalms 139.
The Psalmist's trust in God...(v. 1-4) ..."you know me completely"
His anger against wicked people...(v. 19-24)...Read!
KNOW THAT GOD PROTECTS
Refer to Psalms 3:1-8
"A shield around me, you bestow glory on me, answers me, sustains me, bless your people."
LEARN TO FORGIVE & RELY ON GOD'S SPIRIT & HIS PEACE
Ephesians 4
John 14-23-27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His will be done. Thanks for reading, I pray this blesses you and those around you as much it did to me. Whew! Hand tired!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
#0 : Opening!
Hehe Today starts the rest of eternity for this quiet (or not so quiet hopefully, TAG plz!! Give my page some LIFE!!) place for me to put my mind down onto words. Please excuse the Orlando Bloom pic, I liked the colour etc... but I have ZERO skill in the creation of a pretty webpage (If you can help me, I'll be sooo grateful! I'll be your personal driver! haha~).
#1:The Beginning!!! So cool! *also a kinda my first evangelistic message enjoy!*
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
It is really awesome how God works in people's life. Just when you think everything is so bad that things can not possibly get better and you should just give up. He gives you grace and tada everything is better. Thank you God for your grace, I pray for the strength to do better this time.
This has been an eye-opening year for me, before this year I had the wrong sense of Christianity. All those emotional ups-and-downs, spiritual revivals, cell groups, etc.. were leading to no where, a.k.a. living life without a proper purpose/ goal. //Don't get me wrong, I was very goal orientated. I'm gonna become more powerful!, I'm gonna become rich!, I'm gonna become great! The problem was I did not have the one important thing in my life to make goals worthy of time.
------->GOD<-------
He wasen't in the centre of my life therefore I was living life to bring glory to myself and do stuff for God when I feel like it.
So through a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" (AWESOME BOOK! A very important (to me at least) book for this generation! Ask me about it!) which was real to me, which came to me when I was feeling at my worst, my most unfulfilled time of my life. I learnt the true meaning of life. To live for GOD.
Seems obvious? It is if we were logical creatures, but we arn't. God gave us the rules, we as humans, our nature is to rebel against them. Why should I? I live by my own rules! I'll make myself happy! I am a Christian! I go to church! I "worship" him during the music session! But ask yourself, can you honestly/ from your heart say "Living for God is the purpose of my life."? Fear not because if you feel/felt that emptiness, you know that one which makes you wonder why you feel so crappy even though everything is going well. Ask God to enter your life and soon that gap will be to the overfill capacity, you'll be bursting with joy. Wonder if there is even a God? Ask "If there is a God, I would like to know you." Trust me you'll start experiencing good and wonderful things that you never knew could be.
**IMPT!**
*Please don't feel hurt when I say this, but you do not become Christians just because you were born into a Christian family. You're not a Christian because you are in a Christian place. You have to become one through your own personal relationship with God.*
**THX!**
My greatest joy is for everyone to come to know Jesus Christ as their friend and saviour, our human nature, our pride will make it hard for us, but do not despair because God will never let you go.
*I took this from United Live*
Asking Jesus into your life is as simple and powerful as praying a prayer...
Dear Lord Jesus,
I come to you today and confess that I need you...
Please come into my heart,
Jesus, be my Lord and Saviour...
Wash me, Cleanse me...
And Forgive me of all my sins...
Thank you for giving me a brand new start...
Today, I open my life to you
I AM NOW A CHILD OF THE KING.
*Amen (*your will be done)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Questions? Opinions? Critique? Please mail me at benphua@hotmail.com :)
My prayers go out to all the young Christians! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Hehe Today starts the rest of eternity for this quiet (or not so quiet hopefully, TAG plz!! Give my page some LIFE!!) place for me to put my mind down onto words. Please excuse the Orlando Bloom pic, I liked the colour etc... but I have ZERO skill in the creation of a pretty webpage (If you can help me, I'll be sooo grateful! I'll be your personal driver! haha~).
#1:The Beginning!!! So cool! *also a kinda my first evangelistic message enjoy!*
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
It is really awesome how God works in people's life. Just when you think everything is so bad that things can not possibly get better and you should just give up. He gives you grace and tada everything is better. Thank you God for your grace, I pray for the strength to do better this time.
This has been an eye-opening year for me, before this year I had the wrong sense of Christianity. All those emotional ups-and-downs, spiritual revivals, cell groups, etc.. were leading to no where, a.k.a. living life without a proper purpose/ goal. //Don't get me wrong, I was very goal orientated. I'm gonna become more powerful!, I'm gonna become rich!, I'm gonna become great! The problem was I did not have the one important thing in my life to make goals worthy of time.
------->GOD<-------
He wasen't in the centre of my life therefore I was living life to bring glory to myself and do stuff for God when I feel like it.
So through a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" (AWESOME BOOK! A very important (to me at least) book for this generation! Ask me about it!) which was real to me, which came to me when I was feeling at my worst, my most unfulfilled time of my life. I learnt the true meaning of life. To live for GOD.
Seems obvious? It is if we were logical creatures, but we arn't. God gave us the rules, we as humans, our nature is to rebel against them. Why should I? I live by my own rules! I'll make myself happy! I am a Christian! I go to church! I "worship" him during the music session! But ask yourself, can you honestly/ from your heart say "Living for God is the purpose of my life."? Fear not because if you feel/felt that emptiness, you know that one which makes you wonder why you feel so crappy even though everything is going well. Ask God to enter your life and soon that gap will be to the overfill capacity, you'll be bursting with joy. Wonder if there is even a God? Ask "If there is a God, I would like to know you." Trust me you'll start experiencing good and wonderful things that you never knew could be.
**IMPT!**
*Please don't feel hurt when I say this, but you do not become Christians just because you were born into a Christian family. You're not a Christian because you are in a Christian place. You have to become one through your own personal relationship with God.*
**THX!**
My greatest joy is for everyone to come to know Jesus Christ as their friend and saviour, our human nature, our pride will make it hard for us, but do not despair because God will never let you go.
*I took this from United Live*
Asking Jesus into your life is as simple and powerful as praying a prayer...
Dear Lord Jesus,
I come to you today and confess that I need you...
Please come into my heart,
Jesus, be my Lord and Saviour...
Wash me, Cleanse me...
And Forgive me of all my sins...
Thank you for giving me a brand new start...
Today, I open my life to you
I AM NOW A CHILD OF THE KING.
*Amen (*your will be done)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Questions? Opinions? Critique? Please mail me at benphua@hotmail.com :)
My prayers go out to all the young Christians! Thanks for reading!
-----------------------------------------------------------
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