Today I felt like doodling, in this isolated place that I am right now I find some joy that I can still lose myself in doodling on my trusty paper pad. So I drew and drew, heh but some of the people I drew didn't come out too well :P. Try try again...
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
Wow I really feel like talking alot today. Well if you guys are reading this much into my blog you must be really tired of studying! Oh wait, this bit will probably be right on top. Ah well...
The only thing that keeps me going nowadays is thinking about the future. My personal ambitions are all well and good but my biggest worry is always wondering is will I ever get interested in a girl again? (For all you younger not interested in this stuff people, you can skip down to my psychological mambo jumbo.) In my experience with girls, well at least during the period when I was in school, argh I won't rot your minds with my retardedness. To keep it simple I just worry that I have wasted all my opportunities to find a good partner, instead of going after girls for all the wrong reasons. When I look forward into the future, I will be jumping ship from australia to america in a matter of years and jumping around america learning the trade of making movies. Will I actually get a chance to get a steady girl friend? It just seems that the only way that I could probably have a relationship lasting more than a few years would be to do one like my buddy ming who stays up till 6 in the morning chatting with his girlfriend from across the world in a completely different time zone. And from my experience, those kinda relationships are really unhealthy.
What a touchy subject. Love, Sex and relationships, we could always just screw around and have meaningless relationships but I wonder what being a couple is really all about? I guess the old people were right saying that we were too young to go out with the opposite sex but which kid actually listened? :P
The only thing that keeps me going nowadays is thinking about the future. My personal ambitions are all well and good but my biggest worry is always wondering is will I ever get interested in a girl again? (For all you younger not interested in this stuff people, you can skip down to my psychological mambo jumbo.) In my experience with girls, well at least during the period when I was in school, argh I won't rot your minds with my retardedness. To keep it simple I just worry that I have wasted all my opportunities to find a good partner, instead of going after girls for all the wrong reasons. When I look forward into the future, I will be jumping ship from australia to america in a matter of years and jumping around america learning the trade of making movies. Will I actually get a chance to get a steady girl friend? It just seems that the only way that I could probably have a relationship lasting more than a few years would be to do one like my buddy ming who stays up till 6 in the morning chatting with his girlfriend from across the world in a completely different time zone. And from my experience, those kinda relationships are really unhealthy.
What a touchy subject. Love, Sex and relationships, we could always just screw around and have meaningless relationships but I wonder what being a couple is really all about? I guess the old people were right saying that we were too young to go out with the opposite sex but which kid actually listened? :P
Ben the fanatical psychologist wannabe is back with a vengence.
I'd never thought that I'd be the one counciling people with army stress. Seems that contrary to popular belief, lotsa guys enjoy sharing their problems about army well at least when the machoism isn't a factor. Unfortunately in a world where people can't read your mind and understand why your situation is as horrible as it is from your point of view. It's best not to share it with the general community leading to so called "bitching" and "complaining". I used to be one of those people who would proclaim that blogs these days are all depressing and sianed out blahblahblah... when in fact blogs are a fantastic place to relieve stress and let it all out, bitching is part and parcel to daily living. Even if it's constantly repetitive, it is a healthy way of getting negativity out of your system.
Take these 2 situations for example:
1. Last night a bunch of the older BRMC people came together for a late night supper, eventually like any other NSF, Edmund begins to complain about how stressful the army is. Justin starts to think about his own army life and it sets him into a state of depression, Jordan understands his pain and starts complaining as well and Jessica in all her wisdom decides to do the wonderful thing of telling Edmund that he should stop bitching and stop being a chao keng (Run away from army). I was shocked, understanding that Edmund was really unhappy about the army, I could imagine how he stupid he must have felt to hear this girl shoot him down in such a way. I tried my best to ensure that he wasn't the only one suffering and that everyone has to go through army one way or the other. This is a major issue to me: Speaking your mind is all great and stuff but a level of tact is necessary when speaking to people who are feeling negative. It is a big mistake to voice out an opinion about a situation that you don't fully understand. Get your facts straight before you open your mouth. Your mouth can be a very damaging weapon.
I was surprised to see that alot of Singaporean boys especially christian boys, are actually very sensitive.
2. My dad and mum was another situation that I learnt from, my dad was currently undergoing some job stress and unlike what my studies had stated (Which is Men would rather not talk about their problems and would only talk about it if he believed that the person he was talking to would be able to solve his problem). He simply wanted someone to sit down and listen to his stress. Unfortunately my mum being used to her position as a big boss began shooting him down for his decisions and telling him to do things her way, even though he had not asked for advice.
So my understanding is that in this new generation of men and women, (even my dad!), the borders of masculinity and feminit...feminity? are slowly becoming closer to one another, ESPECIALLY in Singaporean Chinese! The indians, malays and the australians seem to still adopt the old ideas in the basic personalities of the male but chinese boys are becoming more sensitive and even machoism is becoming more faked to mask inner struggles. This is obviously connected to the overall growing up culture of singaporeans. The boys are introduced into single sex schools , where they are expected to become brilliant students. Parents are too busy to cultivate good social sense in their kids thus leading to social difficulties. The depressive state of teenagers is further aggrivated by lack of encouragement and stress with living (BGR, school), the boys then have 3 common routes. They either go to JC where they learn or fall to relate to females or they go to poly and they are taken out of their comfort zones with people of different backgrounds or they go to ITE and are dubbed useless and hopeless. To make matters worse, after only 2 to 3 years of learning social skills, they are forced to undergo national service which makes their only social subject to be how siong army is. Younger boys don't want to hear about it, girls can't relate to it and eventually army boys will only hang out with army boys. Officers with officers and NCOs with NCOs. If they don't follow this method or if they are placed in a unit where they can't adapt, they become social outcasts. Then of course there are uncommon cases like me who end up on MC or discharge, but that hardly happens :P.
So from what I can deduct, the 2 and a half/third/ whatever years that a boy is forced to serve in the army can only lead to negative effects on his health, mental skills and his overall outlook on life. I have yet to see or hear from a person who goes through the army as a happy person. I can only hope that I as a person who has beat the system can help those who are suffering. Pride? No. I went through hell to get to where I am today and it will be a permenant scar on my mind. I can only hope that the army people who have talked to me and for those who have asked for my help will understand that the best way to get through the army is to not think too much about it and avoid as much confrontation as possible. For those with medical problems, even better.
And for the girls, if one of your friends who is in the army right now comes up to you and starts talking about the army. Just try and understand that the army consumes you and for that whole period expect him to only talk about the army and how horrible it is.
I'd never thought that I'd be the one counciling people with army stress. Seems that contrary to popular belief, lotsa guys enjoy sharing their problems about army well at least when the machoism isn't a factor. Unfortunately in a world where people can't read your mind and understand why your situation is as horrible as it is from your point of view. It's best not to share it with the general community leading to so called "bitching" and "complaining". I used to be one of those people who would proclaim that blogs these days are all depressing and sianed out blahblahblah... when in fact blogs are a fantastic place to relieve stress and let it all out, bitching is part and parcel to daily living. Even if it's constantly repetitive, it is a healthy way of getting negativity out of your system.
Take these 2 situations for example:
1. Last night a bunch of the older BRMC people came together for a late night supper, eventually like any other NSF, Edmund begins to complain about how stressful the army is. Justin starts to think about his own army life and it sets him into a state of depression, Jordan understands his pain and starts complaining as well and Jessica in all her wisdom decides to do the wonderful thing of telling Edmund that he should stop bitching and stop being a chao keng (Run away from army). I was shocked, understanding that Edmund was really unhappy about the army, I could imagine how he stupid he must have felt to hear this girl shoot him down in such a way. I tried my best to ensure that he wasn't the only one suffering and that everyone has to go through army one way or the other. This is a major issue to me: Speaking your mind is all great and stuff but a level of tact is necessary when speaking to people who are feeling negative. It is a big mistake to voice out an opinion about a situation that you don't fully understand. Get your facts straight before you open your mouth. Your mouth can be a very damaging weapon.
I was surprised to see that alot of Singaporean boys especially christian boys, are actually very sensitive.
2. My dad and mum was another situation that I learnt from, my dad was currently undergoing some job stress and unlike what my studies had stated (Which is Men would rather not talk about their problems and would only talk about it if he believed that the person he was talking to would be able to solve his problem). He simply wanted someone to sit down and listen to his stress. Unfortunately my mum being used to her position as a big boss began shooting him down for his decisions and telling him to do things her way, even though he had not asked for advice.
So my understanding is that in this new generation of men and women, (even my dad!), the borders of masculinity and feminit...feminity? are slowly becoming closer to one another, ESPECIALLY in Singaporean Chinese! The indians, malays and the australians seem to still adopt the old ideas in the basic personalities of the male but chinese boys are becoming more sensitive and even machoism is becoming more faked to mask inner struggles. This is obviously connected to the overall growing up culture of singaporeans. The boys are introduced into single sex schools , where they are expected to become brilliant students. Parents are too busy to cultivate good social sense in their kids thus leading to social difficulties. The depressive state of teenagers is further aggrivated by lack of encouragement and stress with living (BGR, school), the boys then have 3 common routes. They either go to JC where they learn or fall to relate to females or they go to poly and they are taken out of their comfort zones with people of different backgrounds or they go to ITE and are dubbed useless and hopeless. To make matters worse, after only 2 to 3 years of learning social skills, they are forced to undergo national service which makes their only social subject to be how siong army is. Younger boys don't want to hear about it, girls can't relate to it and eventually army boys will only hang out with army boys. Officers with officers and NCOs with NCOs. If they don't follow this method or if they are placed in a unit where they can't adapt, they become social outcasts. Then of course there are uncommon cases like me who end up on MC or discharge, but that hardly happens :P.
So from what I can deduct, the 2 and a half/third/ whatever years that a boy is forced to serve in the army can only lead to negative effects on his health, mental skills and his overall outlook on life. I have yet to see or hear from a person who goes through the army as a happy person. I can only hope that I as a person who has beat the system can help those who are suffering. Pride? No. I went through hell to get to where I am today and it will be a permenant scar on my mind. I can only hope that the army people who have talked to me and for those who have asked for my help will understand that the best way to get through the army is to not think too much about it and avoid as much confrontation as possible. For those with medical problems, even better.
And for the girls, if one of your friends who is in the army right now comes up to you and starts talking about the army. Just try and understand that the army consumes you and for that whole period expect him to only talk about the army and how horrible it is.
I'd like to say that captains ball in BRMC has reached a new level of flair, what started off as a simple game of pass and shoot has become a platform for flying acrobatics, atheletic skill and man it's nice to watch. Unfortunately, I've got a bunch of injuries due to a few mid air collisions with Dean the flying wrecking ball. I appreciate his passion to intercept every attack but I wish he'd look where he was flying to because he ain't exactly a light weight.
Oh and I changed my skin! (Duh) Still looking for the perfect skin but this is pretty nice on it's own :).
My granny just won the lottery, 1st prize! She gave my sister and I 50 bucks spending money. So sweet of her.
Just been playing with my x box and sitting around doing much of nothing. Happy studying people~
Oh and I changed my skin! (Duh) Still looking for the perfect skin but this is pretty nice on it's own :).
My granny just won the lottery, 1st prize! She gave my sister and I 50 bucks spending money. So sweet of her.
Just been playing with my x box and sitting around doing much of nothing. Happy studying people~
Sunday, August 29, 2004
I've read that insane people say the word I alot more often than normal people. Then today I am utterly insane.
Sigh... I think I've done a fantastic job of pushing people away. I hope this passworded blog isn't the reason. I put a password because I want privacy to write freely not to deny people. Frankly it's a minority of people I don't want looking into this blog. So I guess it's up to me to go around giving the password to people because I'm sure people are skipping this blog because Ben is dao.
Still I warn people that this blog is going to be completely sincere and uncensored, so whoever reads this is reader-in-confidence, I trust you won't share my thoughts with other people and you won't go around giving this password to people.
I blame no one for my current outlook to human beings in general but my emotion-ness-less and my degenerative social skills I dare say is due to my isolation from people. It's rather confusing and self analysing is a mind boggling task.
As the person I am, I am some what of a strange psychological disaster. One side of me enjoys not having human contact and being alone, but the other enjoys company and being social. I could probably go through my entire life being completely alone, which is completely wrong I think.
In fact, I wonder why I have this burden of wanting to be there for people, sharing their troubles and giving them whatever advice I can. It seems I have a calling towards something but I can't really focus on.
I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm utterly confused because I tried doing everything and it didn't work.
I have some clue to what I'm supposed to do but it got blurry due to downfalls, I was especially hurt during the period when I was judged by people. That was why I quit because that was the most logical way out, why bother? I know that God was happy with whatever in the blazes I was doing, that day in shine forth will always stay in my mind, when the person praying said he had a burden to tell the church workers that God appreciated our work. A part of me said so what? It might not be you. The other bit was happy that God cared. Unfortunately, I still have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing. So now I've asked God to give me a clear purpose that I might use my talents in the way that was planned for. I long for that period where it was so clear what I was doing and I could do it with joy and happiness. I really wish that I did not get affected by people and my surroundings, but now I just feel crummy thinking about it. I hope I can remedy this somehow. My logical mind is thinking right now that I can probably live without bothering about church, but something is urging me to find that purpose and help people. I don't understand why because right now I just feel my can't be bothered attitude rising out and not caring about what happens to our church.
My attitude of defensiveness is a die hard thing for me. I can't help but remember some of the more painful things that a friend said that no one really liked me in Secondary school because of the way I acted, and for that I can't really say anything because the truth is I was a some what disabled kid with strict parents and a rebel streak. Did he say it because he's one of those people who speak whatever comes out of their mind, pity? Or just downright thinking that Ben is not as good as him? This led to a suspicious attitude with people, especially taking crap. My mood and personality was highly dependent on my surroundings. So since people were thinking I was proud I became proud and I got pissed off really easily. Wow I only just remembered that. And Sunday school for my time was a bitch, being an acs boy, I gauged happiness by counting how many girls liked me. So it became second nature to me to go around flirting, geez what an idiot I was. Alot of guys didn't like me, can't blame them, I'm starting to think I was a bastard as well. It was also the environment, my sunday school was young, proud and good looking. The boys generally made themselves feel good by thinking they were better than other people. I wasn't any better, I was thinking I was better than other people because I wasn't saying that I was better. Wow that sentence almost worked. All I remember about my mentor Jeremy Phua was constantly trying to use me as a ego booster, I can still remember him telling me that he couldn't believe that I couldn't find some chapter in the bible to impress Li Shan. Till today I give rolling eyes to anyone who tries to impress girls by putting other people down. I wonder why I stayed with the sunday school worship team, it was a disasterous affair. Bunch of young kids trying to act cool and look beautiful. Eventually for one reason or another I just gave up trying to be part of the community, thus becoming public enemy number one. I also did some really stupid things like saying that the sunday school was a disaster to the then in charge supervisor. I can't believe did that. I thought I was making a difference by staying around. Eventually I couldn't take it and left 10:30 sunday school. I made alot of mistakes as a kid... but I just can't believe how little things have changed. I see the people I knew from sunday school now and then and they're still the same. Jeremy still puts people down and is constantly depressed, Kevin still gauges happiness by how much better he is than people and the ladies still wear really outrageous outfits. And I'm still critical and judgemental. Ok sorry I digress... My best friends were non christians and till now I really trust them. In fact the more I think about it the 2 people that I trust completely are Yao and Ming, they've accepted me as who I am and we enjoy each other's company in complete bliss. Thank God for these people.
For my dao-ness I am completely apologetic. It's just how I've adapted to living. To prevent any form of harm to myself, the easiest route for me is to just be unfriendly in general. In fact a old college friend described me perfectly: Ben is SELECTIVELY friendly. And I have to try my best to change that. Old habits die hard. Some things I just plain hate.
As for now I'm still keeping this blog passworded because it's still unclear what I'm supposed to do. For all I know I'm supposed to spend the rest of this time in isolation and peace, I could very well just be doing what I was supposed to do all the long. The waiting game begins.
Sigh... I think I've done a fantastic job of pushing people away. I hope this passworded blog isn't the reason. I put a password because I want privacy to write freely not to deny people. Frankly it's a minority of people I don't want looking into this blog. So I guess it's up to me to go around giving the password to people because I'm sure people are skipping this blog because Ben is dao.
Still I warn people that this blog is going to be completely sincere and uncensored, so whoever reads this is reader-in-confidence, I trust you won't share my thoughts with other people and you won't go around giving this password to people.
I blame no one for my current outlook to human beings in general but my emotion-ness-less and my degenerative social skills I dare say is due to my isolation from people. It's rather confusing and self analysing is a mind boggling task.
As the person I am, I am some what of a strange psychological disaster. One side of me enjoys not having human contact and being alone, but the other enjoys company and being social. I could probably go through my entire life being completely alone, which is completely wrong I think.
In fact, I wonder why I have this burden of wanting to be there for people, sharing their troubles and giving them whatever advice I can. It seems I have a calling towards something but I can't really focus on.
I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm utterly confused because I tried doing everything and it didn't work.
I have some clue to what I'm supposed to do but it got blurry due to downfalls, I was especially hurt during the period when I was judged by people. That was why I quit because that was the most logical way out, why bother? I know that God was happy with whatever in the blazes I was doing, that day in shine forth will always stay in my mind, when the person praying said he had a burden to tell the church workers that God appreciated our work. A part of me said so what? It might not be you. The other bit was happy that God cared. Unfortunately, I still have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing. So now I've asked God to give me a clear purpose that I might use my talents in the way that was planned for. I long for that period where it was so clear what I was doing and I could do it with joy and happiness. I really wish that I did not get affected by people and my surroundings, but now I just feel crummy thinking about it. I hope I can remedy this somehow. My logical mind is thinking right now that I can probably live without bothering about church, but something is urging me to find that purpose and help people. I don't understand why because right now I just feel my can't be bothered attitude rising out and not caring about what happens to our church.
My attitude of defensiveness is a die hard thing for me. I can't help but remember some of the more painful things that a friend said that no one really liked me in Secondary school because of the way I acted, and for that I can't really say anything because the truth is I was a some what disabled kid with strict parents and a rebel streak. Did he say it because he's one of those people who speak whatever comes out of their mind, pity? Or just downright thinking that Ben is not as good as him? This led to a suspicious attitude with people, especially taking crap. My mood and personality was highly dependent on my surroundings. So since people were thinking I was proud I became proud and I got pissed off really easily. Wow I only just remembered that. And Sunday school for my time was a bitch, being an acs boy, I gauged happiness by counting how many girls liked me. So it became second nature to me to go around flirting, geez what an idiot I was. Alot of guys didn't like me, can't blame them, I'm starting to think I was a bastard as well. It was also the environment, my sunday school was young, proud and good looking. The boys generally made themselves feel good by thinking they were better than other people. I wasn't any better, I was thinking I was better than other people because I wasn't saying that I was better. Wow that sentence almost worked. All I remember about my mentor Jeremy Phua was constantly trying to use me as a ego booster, I can still remember him telling me that he couldn't believe that I couldn't find some chapter in the bible to impress Li Shan. Till today I give rolling eyes to anyone who tries to impress girls by putting other people down. I wonder why I stayed with the sunday school worship team, it was a disasterous affair. Bunch of young kids trying to act cool and look beautiful. Eventually for one reason or another I just gave up trying to be part of the community, thus becoming public enemy number one. I also did some really stupid things like saying that the sunday school was a disaster to the then in charge supervisor. I can't believe did that. I thought I was making a difference by staying around. Eventually I couldn't take it and left 10:30 sunday school. I made alot of mistakes as a kid... but I just can't believe how little things have changed. I see the people I knew from sunday school now and then and they're still the same. Jeremy still puts people down and is constantly depressed, Kevin still gauges happiness by how much better he is than people and the ladies still wear really outrageous outfits. And I'm still critical and judgemental. Ok sorry I digress... My best friends were non christians and till now I really trust them. In fact the more I think about it the 2 people that I trust completely are Yao and Ming, they've accepted me as who I am and we enjoy each other's company in complete bliss. Thank God for these people.
For my dao-ness I am completely apologetic. It's just how I've adapted to living. To prevent any form of harm to myself, the easiest route for me is to just be unfriendly in general. In fact a old college friend described me perfectly: Ben is SELECTIVELY friendly. And I have to try my best to change that. Old habits die hard. Some things I just plain hate.
As for now I'm still keeping this blog passworded because it's still unclear what I'm supposed to do. For all I know I'm supposed to spend the rest of this time in isolation and peace, I could very well just be doing what I was supposed to do all the long. The waiting game begins.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
It nearly took me an hour but I finally navigated my way through Flash MX 2004 Professional (Another name for The version of Flash which is harder to use.). Using Newground's nice little motion tutorial I slowly translated moving a ball in flash 3 to moving a ball in mx 2004 pro. Now I can make a ball move.
Finally...
Now I'm just wondering how in the world can I draw something on paper and translate it into a flash?
Finally...
Now I'm just wondering how in the world can I draw something on paper and translate it into a flash?
Thursday, August 26, 2004
WELCOME TO BEN's BORING DAY!!!! Part erh... alot.
I got the X Box voucher at long last! Unfortunately, I need my dad to be around so I can redeem it, but I'm going to call up tomorrow and see if they can make an exception. It's really a pain in the ass. It's like going so far but still not being able to have the prize. Rgh....
Hmm what did I do today? I woke up and played GTA3 which I am totally bored of right now, then I played Tenchu 3 and I'm bored of that as well.
Then joy of all joys I went to the gym yet again for another fun filled hour of working out, aching and nearly collapsing of exhaustion.
Just finished watching Singapore Idol and I'm sad to say that there isn't really much competition for that one girl who's name I've forgotten... I remember that she does massage or something.
What a stupid day.
Wow I can see my social skills and social life fading away! WOW!
I got the X Box voucher at long last! Unfortunately, I need my dad to be around so I can redeem it, but I'm going to call up tomorrow and see if they can make an exception. It's really a pain in the ass. It's like going so far but still not being able to have the prize. Rgh....
Hmm what did I do today? I woke up and played GTA3 which I am totally bored of right now, then I played Tenchu 3 and I'm bored of that as well.
Then joy of all joys I went to the gym yet again for another fun filled hour of working out, aching and nearly collapsing of exhaustion.
Just finished watching Singapore Idol and I'm sad to say that there isn't really much competition for that one girl who's name I've forgotten... I remember that she does massage or something.
What a stupid day.
Wow I can see my social skills and social life fading away! WOW!
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Ow the gym= pain. Come to think of it, when was the last time I took the bus? One of the fun bits about riding the bus is surfing the wave, the idea is to not hold on to anything and try to stand in place without falling over. For beginners you can use one ring to support yourself. It's nice to see how people occupy themselves while riding the bus. There's the typical clever dood who brings a book, the sms queen, music man, stare-blankly-into-space guy and sleeping woman. Then there's the pia kia school boy who stands at the railing with his orange hair and pants too low, making his moh moh face and acting cool for the mgs girls. Next up is the neighbourhood school bf and gf who since they go to uni sex school make single sex school boys jealous when they see them making out in the corner of the bus. It's quite fun riding the bus, though I would rather take a car coz it's a million times faster. You could make a tv serial out of taking the bus (has it already been done?). Then there'll be that episode which everyone always thinks about, with someone smashing out the bus window with the hammer (Don't you want to do that? I always look at the hammer wanting to smash out the window).
And joy the x box is coming in 5 days maximum, if the idiots at star hub take their time. I've got a feeling that they won't make the deadline. Gimme my x box! I'm bored!
My pal Felix from Melbourne says that =_= : " Ben you should enjoy this time of slacking and not think too much about studying."
So I thinks to me self, should I just go completely lobo and become a bum for 6 whole months?! Nawww I couldn't do that. But the army still looms over my head, I can't wait for the day I have to go back and see that MO again and see that shocked face "!@#*!)#*!!!! Discharge?! Still can walk what?! !@^(!^#!!!!!", the medics (Wah MC so long shiok leh... I hor stay in... weekend duty blah blah blah blah...), then go to the medical board (@(!Y)@!&)!!! DISCHARGE?!?!), then go to my S1 and Chief Clerk (C&)!&#!)#!^(@^!!!!!! DISCHARGE?!?!?!), then my clerks (U !*@!*@!@!!!!!! DISCHARGE?!!?), then have to go up to my bunk and take back my tv and stuff. Then the most dreadful thing: No.More.Army.Pay.
I wonder if my parents will give me allowance again? Or will they make me feel like a blood sucker everytime I ask for money. Suckk suckkkkkksuckkkkkk.
Or most wonderfully, the army doesn't discharge me. Then I go for one more operation till next year, go back and ask for a deferment for university, come back in 4 and a half years time and serve 2 stupid months of army. Well at least they'll be paying me till I leave toohoohoo.
I really hope they let me go for goodness sakes, you're paying me to do nothing here! Let me go!!! Then I can start taking courses without the worry of a miltary police truck coming to my house and sending me to a dentention barrack in Kranji, DOOoOoM..................... Yes.
I watched the Bourne Supreme... argh can't spell it. It left me confused because the subtitles were in french so I didn't know what ze germans were talking about. I watched the matrix reloaded and revolutions becoming even more insane. Talk about badly written plots. What else did I watch?Hmmm I watched abit of Napoleon Dynamite, sucks.
Then I tried to finish Jak 2 in one sitting, leaving my brain dying of pain. Almost done though, I think I'm going to finish it after this. Then try and finish Ratchet and Clank, then the whole stack of PS2 games I have waiting in one corner. Maybe watch all those anime I took from ming and left stale. I tried to watch OC again but it's not that fun the second time round watching ryan get his ass beat...again.
I want that tooting X Box. I hear Half Life 2 is coming out next month, I'll see it before I believe it, blardy sierra has delayed it for a longgggg time.
According to schedule, I'm supposed to be fixing my PDA which I have not charged for months and is unlikely to still have any data that I put in. Then I'm supposed to ask my dad to set up my internet in the room, but he isn't at home so I probably won't get to do that till saturday. Then fix up my bicycle so I can ride around, but I think I'm going to end up playing Jak 2 till about 2 in the morning waking up at 9 tomorrow.
Ramble ramble, I can't believe you read this far. I should give you a prize.
My stupid ankle still hurts for some reason, strange that it still hurts considering I didn't even operate on it. I feel like going out to buy some comics but if I'm going to modify my x box and get games for it, I better save up. Sorry Spidey, can't keep up with your story no more.
I want to watch the practice but since I'm giving up the idea of being a lawyer because stupid Ben didn't do well enough to get into law school and big shot father says lawyers can't make big money, I don't think I'll bother.
The Simpsons though, that's a goood show. Matt Groening doesn't even do stuff on the show anymore and he makes money.
I wanna make a stupid cartoon too, I'll call it the NS Life. I'll do it as a flash, then I'll put it on the internet. It'll be about this PES E clerk who has to work in a stay in unit and undergoing stupid regiments created by his stupid superiors who have tiny homer brains. It'll end with the clerk blowing up the entire SAF with an atomic bomb.
I'm really really bored. Hmmmm, can't finish far cry coz it hangs at the last bit (retarded). Need to take a bath, don't want to play stupid jak 2. What to dooooooooo, maybe play GTA 3 again. Didn't finish that game... hmmm yeah I think I will.
GTA HERE I COME!!!
So there goes another day in the life of Ben the lobo man.
LobOooooO
LobOoOO
LoBooOO dendndendnendddenn LOBO!
And joy the x box is coming in 5 days maximum, if the idiots at star hub take their time. I've got a feeling that they won't make the deadline. Gimme my x box! I'm bored!
My pal Felix from Melbourne says that =_= : " Ben you should enjoy this time of slacking and not think too much about studying."
So I thinks to me self, should I just go completely lobo and become a bum for 6 whole months?! Nawww I couldn't do that. But the army still looms over my head, I can't wait for the day I have to go back and see that MO again and see that shocked face "!@#*!)#*!!!! Discharge?! Still can walk what?! !@^(!^#!!!!!", the medics (Wah MC so long shiok leh... I hor stay in... weekend duty blah blah blah blah...), then go to the medical board (@(!Y)@!&)!!! DISCHARGE?!?!), then go to my S1 and Chief Clerk (C&)!&#!)#!^(@^!!!!!! DISCHARGE?!?!?!), then my clerks (U !*@!*@!@!!!!!! DISCHARGE?!!?), then have to go up to my bunk and take back my tv and stuff. Then the most dreadful thing: No.More.Army.Pay.
I wonder if my parents will give me allowance again? Or will they make me feel like a blood sucker everytime I ask for money. Suckk suckkkkkksuckkkkkk.
Or most wonderfully, the army doesn't discharge me. Then I go for one more operation till next year, go back and ask for a deferment for university, come back in 4 and a half years time and serve 2 stupid months of army. Well at least they'll be paying me till I leave toohoohoo.
I really hope they let me go for goodness sakes, you're paying me to do nothing here! Let me go!!! Then I can start taking courses without the worry of a miltary police truck coming to my house and sending me to a dentention barrack in Kranji, DOOoOoM..................... Yes.
I watched the Bourne Supreme... argh can't spell it. It left me confused because the subtitles were in french so I didn't know what ze germans were talking about. I watched the matrix reloaded and revolutions becoming even more insane. Talk about badly written plots. What else did I watch?Hmmm I watched abit of Napoleon Dynamite, sucks.
Then I tried to finish Jak 2 in one sitting, leaving my brain dying of pain. Almost done though, I think I'm going to finish it after this. Then try and finish Ratchet and Clank, then the whole stack of PS2 games I have waiting in one corner. Maybe watch all those anime I took from ming and left stale. I tried to watch OC again but it's not that fun the second time round watching ryan get his ass beat...again.
I want that tooting X Box. I hear Half Life 2 is coming out next month, I'll see it before I believe it, blardy sierra has delayed it for a longgggg time.
According to schedule, I'm supposed to be fixing my PDA which I have not charged for months and is unlikely to still have any data that I put in. Then I'm supposed to ask my dad to set up my internet in the room, but he isn't at home so I probably won't get to do that till saturday. Then fix up my bicycle so I can ride around, but I think I'm going to end up playing Jak 2 till about 2 in the morning waking up at 9 tomorrow.
Ramble ramble, I can't believe you read this far. I should give you a prize.
My stupid ankle still hurts for some reason, strange that it still hurts considering I didn't even operate on it. I feel like going out to buy some comics but if I'm going to modify my x box and get games for it, I better save up. Sorry Spidey, can't keep up with your story no more.
I want to watch the practice but since I'm giving up the idea of being a lawyer because stupid Ben didn't do well enough to get into law school and big shot father says lawyers can't make big money, I don't think I'll bother.
The Simpsons though, that's a goood show. Matt Groening doesn't even do stuff on the show anymore and he makes money.
I wanna make a stupid cartoon too, I'll call it the NS Life. I'll do it as a flash, then I'll put it on the internet. It'll be about this PES E clerk who has to work in a stay in unit and undergoing stupid regiments created by his stupid superiors who have tiny homer brains. It'll end with the clerk blowing up the entire SAF with an atomic bomb.
I'm really really bored. Hmmmm, can't finish far cry coz it hangs at the last bit (retarded). Need to take a bath, don't want to play stupid jak 2. What to dooooooooo, maybe play GTA 3 again. Didn't finish that game... hmmm yeah I think I will.
GTA HERE I COME!!!
So there goes another day in the life of Ben the lobo man.
LobOooooO
LobOoOO
LoBooOO dendndendnendddenn LOBO!
The Things I want by Ben Phua
I want to get out of this rut
I want to get discharged so I won't have the army breathing down my back
I want to go do something
I want to get fit
I want my bones to stop hurting
I want to play basketball
I want a xbox
I want never to worry about money
I want to be successful
I want to get out of here
24 days till end of MC
179 days till University
I want to get out of this rut
I want to get discharged so I won't have the army breathing down my back
I want to go do something
I want to get fit
I want my bones to stop hurting
I want to play basketball
I want a xbox
I want never to worry about money
I want to be successful
I want to get out of here
24 days till end of MC
179 days till University
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Another day goes by *swish*
WOoOoSH! Splash! EXPLOSION!!
Ok nevermind, anyway I set my mind on what's next for Ben's course adventure. I really want to learn how to do flash. After seeing all the stuff on newgrounds.com, flash would be a nice way to play around with some plot ideas and animations. Then there's the 18mm course starting in Oct which should be really interesting, the digital camera course in September and maybe even the documentry course in oct as well. At Laselle, the multimedia courses interest me, they're starting in october. Unfortunately, I'm still at a loss as to where I should go to learn how to create flash.
WOoOoSH! Splash! EXPLOSION!!
Ok nevermind, anyway I set my mind on what's next for Ben's course adventure. I really want to learn how to do flash. After seeing all the stuff on newgrounds.com, flash would be a nice way to play around with some plot ideas and animations. Then there's the 18mm course starting in Oct which should be really interesting, the digital camera course in September and maybe even the documentry course in oct as well. At Laselle, the multimedia courses interest me, they're starting in october. Unfortunately, I'm still at a loss as to where I should go to learn how to create flash.
Monday, August 23, 2004
My legs are dead again from another wonderful captain's ball game. I didn't think it would take this long for my legs to recover from surgery...
Anyway after that long week of courses which weren't particularly exciting but necessary, I was rather drained due to lack of brain use for so long. So on Sunday I slept like a dog, missing out on united live. Went out for a nice dinner with the I guys then went over to ming's house to watch anime.
Currently looking through some media and film courses available in Singapore, must relieve boredom.
Anyway after that long week of courses which weren't particularly exciting but necessary, I was rather drained due to lack of brain use for so long. So on Sunday I slept like a dog, missing out on united live. Went out for a nice dinner with the I guys then went over to ming's house to watch anime.
Currently looking through some media and film courses available in Singapore, must relieve boredom.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Wow I'm exhausted, muscles are dying left, right and centre. We got to see Dan Pek's cool new house with little ang moh kids and funkadelic stairs which have no rails (so you can fall to your death you see). His room is so nice and bright, unlike mine which is dark and foreboding. Uncle Eugel says that "Ben 500 is not enough, let's say you double it to a thousand then we can get you a DECENT (roar!) guitar." Ben thinks that if he puts his money into buying a good multi-effects pedal he'll be more useful in church. Yeah too many good acoustic guitarists anyway.
Oh and my favourite part of the day was trying to keep up with people while playing sports today, first SOCCER: Ben lobangs, Ben misses passes...Ben just plain sucks... Then CAPTAIN'S BALL: Ben lobs ball over defender...over catcher...over the mountains and the seas... After a while I got abit more accurate but seriously the vision is really tunneled nowadays. Slowly get better as time goes on~
Oh and yes the modem is going to be upgraded to 3meg per sec! woohoo! Plus of course a x box! Time to cope some games from Yeo Kei Song! Songgggg lend me games pweez...
Tomorrow going down to british council for some classes for da week. Probably go down to media hive and check out some more media courses and the raffles school of arts for graphic studies. Need to keep the flow going...move move move...
Oh and my favourite part of the day was trying to keep up with people while playing sports today, first SOCCER: Ben lobangs, Ben misses passes...Ben just plain sucks... Then CAPTAIN'S BALL: Ben lobs ball over defender...over catcher...over the mountains and the seas... After a while I got abit more accurate but seriously the vision is really tunneled nowadays. Slowly get better as time goes on~
Oh and yes the modem is going to be upgraded to 3meg per sec! woohoo! Plus of course a x box! Time to cope some games from Yeo Kei Song! Songgggg lend me games pweez...
Tomorrow going down to british council for some classes for da week. Probably go down to media hive and check out some more media courses and the raffles school of arts for graphic studies. Need to keep the flow going...move move move...
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Wow today was a painful first basketball game for a long time, fortunately all my friends took it easy, slowly remembering all the rules of the game and not throwing my hands into people. And Kev ran into my leg in the first 5 minutes, how suay is that?
After running out of energy, we went to Kev's place to cool off in his shiokadalic swimming pool followed by a great meal from his chef (Yes my friend has a chef). I then stopped by at worship practice before having to go for dinner and passing the car over to my dad.
Tomorrrow I hope to get our internet connection upgraded to the 3000 series, it was completely about the x box first but now we can get internet at 3 meg a second?! Time to stock up on anime and movies before the 4 and a half years of 56k wonder.
After running out of energy, we went to Kev's place to cool off in his shiokadalic swimming pool followed by a great meal from his chef (Yes my friend has a chef). I then stopped by at worship practice before having to go for dinner and passing the car over to my dad.
Tomorrrow I hope to get our internet connection upgraded to the 3000 series, it was completely about the x box first but now we can get internet at 3 meg a second?! Time to stock up on anime and movies before the 4 and a half years of 56k wonder.
Friday, August 13, 2004
By some miracle I finally managed to get the internet to work again, the router decided to die again this morning leaving Ben extremely bored. Just got back from Cell with my mind on trying to fix this dilema so I unplugged the router and spent a few minutes jiggling the cable until my modem detected it. Anyway I won't go into details I seriously think we need to get a new cable modem... but on the plus side since it broke down I got off my ass to get my ps 2 fixed (120 bucks!) and found out that if my dad signs up for another 2 years worth of cable (Which he is going to anyway) I get a free x box which I wanted to buy, then I'll fix it up for another 100 bucks and Ben will have some gaming entertainment to pass these long days. Oh and we get a funky black coloured modem which won't require Ben to jiggle cables.
Tomorrow evening my dad's pastor friend is coming down from perth for dinner. Will be asking him to help me check out the as ryan calls it "ghey" dorms at UWA. Yes we all know that I am extremely used to having a big room and even in that big room my stuff are still cluttered :P. I
don't want to sleep in another room where my legs stick out from under the sheets :(.
Body still aches...
Tomorrow evening my dad's pastor friend is coming down from perth for dinner. Will be asking him to help me check out the as ryan calls it "ghey" dorms at UWA. Yes we all know that I am extremely used to having a big room and even in that big room my stuff are still cluttered :P. I
don't want to sleep in another room where my legs stick out from under the sheets :(.
Body still aches...
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Monday, August 09, 2004
I just watched Singapore Idol and I promise you that if I were a judge and an idiot came in and said he was going to be the next william hung and start stripping to his speedo, I will grab him by his stoopid rubber pantie and fling him out the window.
Well I'm sure that most singaporeans have watched the first episode of singapore idol. They obviously stuffed in all the poor things, the attitude problems, the can't sings and the jokes for the sinful entertainment value. I don't think I can ever get rid of that cactus head from the back of my mind.
I just want to cry now. I can only hope that Singapore tv will stop embarrassing these hopeful guys that you just want to pity and those idiots which you want to slap and start show casing some good stuff.
Well I'm sure that most singaporeans have watched the first episode of singapore idol. They obviously stuffed in all the poor things, the attitude problems, the can't sings and the jokes for the sinful entertainment value. I don't think I can ever get rid of that cactus head from the back of my mind.
I just want to cry now. I can only hope that Singapore tv will stop embarrassing these hopeful guys that you just want to pity and those idiots which you want to slap and start show casing some good stuff.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Hi all,
Well I just sold off my gameboy advance sp and it's brother the flash card. Some lucky NSF is going to be playing that behind his officer's back some time soon =). Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to get them stitches removed from my poor poor leg which is going to be so badly scarred after all this, people are gonna start asking whether I went through vietnam or something.
I will also start the procedure for my medical discharge tomorrow which is the most exciting thing which has happened to me for the past couple of weeks. If everything goes well, I'll be free by the time this MC expires. Still, I have to undergo that one last operation one day. If I get that discharge I'm gonna do it asap, so I can start focusing my energy on other endevours. After the next operation, I'll finally be able to put my foot into shoes properly and wear those snow boarding boots.
I also signed up for the uni prep course at the British Council, should be interesting.
Better start making use of that E-Prep Credit that the government is giving me, in a few months I may not be getting any more free money.
With or without the discharge I'm going to have to go down to Perth for at least a weekend to discuss my majors, minors and units (argh took me a week to navigate through all the links at uwa) with the faculty heads. Then I can meet up with my old mates and see if they figured out anything better to do lol. Not to mention, get a guided tour of the campuses and dormitories. To quote Ryan, "Dorms are gay dude, go rent". Maybe after the first year ;). After much research, I have found out that Currie Hall has the most asians so I won't stick out like a sore thumb in a university which is like only 10 percent asian, and it has food with CHILLI in it. No more soggy home made mee pok for ben! But the room is so utterly SMALL. 200 odd days left...
Well I just sold off my gameboy advance sp and it's brother the flash card. Some lucky NSF is going to be playing that behind his officer's back some time soon =). Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to get them stitches removed from my poor poor leg which is going to be so badly scarred after all this, people are gonna start asking whether I went through vietnam or something.
I will also start the procedure for my medical discharge tomorrow which is the most exciting thing which has happened to me for the past couple of weeks. If everything goes well, I'll be free by the time this MC expires. Still, I have to undergo that one last operation one day. If I get that discharge I'm gonna do it asap, so I can start focusing my energy on other endevours. After the next operation, I'll finally be able to put my foot into shoes properly and wear those snow boarding boots.
I also signed up for the uni prep course at the British Council, should be interesting.
Better start making use of that E-Prep Credit that the government is giving me, in a few months I may not be getting any more free money.
With or without the discharge I'm going to have to go down to Perth for at least a weekend to discuss my majors, minors and units (argh took me a week to navigate through all the links at uwa) with the faculty heads. Then I can meet up with my old mates and see if they figured out anything better to do lol. Not to mention, get a guided tour of the campuses and dormitories. To quote Ryan, "Dorms are gay dude, go rent". Maybe after the first year ;). After much research, I have found out that Currie Hall has the most asians so I won't stick out like a sore thumb in a university which is like only 10 percent asian, and it has food with CHILLI in it. No more soggy home made mee pok for ben! But the room is so utterly SMALL. 200 odd days left...
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Finished Doom 3 this morning, abit disappointing if you ask me. Still it keeps you latched on because it is Doom 3 and the hype is enough to keep you going throughout the entire game.
Besides that, yesterday Yao introduced me to the wonders of watching great guitarists playing live. Just currently saw the great Steve Vai get owned by a Young fella in a guitar duel, basically it's two guitarists playing solos and the opponent having to return with an equally long solo of the same standard which either returns the solo (same solo) or shoots the solo down (going the opposite direction of the solo). I nearly cried with the amazing feat that I saw: This young guy playing a solo which was separated by a good 15 or 18 frets on the top AND bottom of the guitar. Then to add insult to injury, he decided to pull off a finale with a solo on the top, middle and bottom interchanging them without looking... Just downright amazing.
Besides that, yesterday Yao introduced me to the wonders of watching great guitarists playing live. Just currently saw the great Steve Vai get owned by a Young fella in a guitar duel, basically it's two guitarists playing solos and the opponent having to return with an equally long solo of the same standard which either returns the solo (same solo) or shoots the solo down (going the opposite direction of the solo). I nearly cried with the amazing feat that I saw: This young guy playing a solo which was separated by a good 15 or 18 frets on the top AND bottom of the guitar. Then to add insult to injury, he decided to pull off a finale with a solo on the top, middle and bottom interchanging them without looking... Just downright amazing.
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