Just came back from gym, trying my best to move my ass into the toilet so I can take a bath but my bum won't listen to me. Had a great workout, almost felt as light as the old days, pushed my limits abit to see how far I could go and nearly popped those knee caps and my back was just begging to give way. Still a great workout, hope to have many more in Perth.

Just read the daily bread about the trials of fire and the walking of deep waters that everyone goes through at one point or another. It seems to me that another person's trial can seem like a horrible thing to someone else. Or how sometimes we are so clouded with our own problems, we can't hear those calling for our help. Worst of all is when someone helps us with our problems at that point where our minds are so clouded we completely forget about them when the trial passes. I think God is really familiar with that last one and I am guilty of it.

This is often where I'd make a long thesis of how I'm going to fix my inadequecies but everything is best left up to God. And my last days in army has really rekindled my faith in men and God.

Still the hurt of being attacked by people whom you had good intentions of helping is really painful. Things which I have that I gave away or lent, have not been returned with either the object nor thanks. Then I remember the words of how everything is God's, still for a young christian it hurts to have to lose trust in friends.

I'm still trying my best to be able to deal with any type of person, it just seems like I'm going to end up having to deal with difficult people sometime or the other.

The other aspect is my understanding of the scriptures and church history. Seems to me that I'll be having alot of opportunities to share, so I better buck up on those. Not to mentioon if my foundation is cracked I'm definitely gonna fall sooner or later.

I just want to thank God for good friends and discernment.

I want to become responsible and trustworthy so my parents will trust me with greater ease.

But right now on the other hand I'm really scared that God has another trial of fire for me. I hope not but if it comes then I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

WoW (No pun intended), I've been in this stage of my life from 17 to 20. Needless to say it has been a long and often frustrating road. At the end of this part of my life, sitting here I feel abit remorseful for the mistakes and errors I've caused to others. I remember the pain of the first year going through tekong, kenneth, nssc, kenneth again, yeo, operation after operation, trying to avoid army due to bad experiences with the people within. Trying to find acceptance amongst people, learning how politics work, maturity, friendship, sacrifice and loneliness. Regret and sadness, all those scars I pray I will lose. No matter what people say, as Dale Carnigie says in his book "People never criticise themselves for what they do", and now I think back on the things I did, not being able as of now to remember how many I did with God in mind and how many I did out of selfishness and desperation. I believe it was the 31th President of the United States who after being defeated by Roose...hmm can't remember his name, said "I can't see how I could have done it any other way..." I definitely can't think of how I could have gotten through these 2 and a half years any other way. I can think of better ways now but back then...

The 2 messages that stuck with me was how some of us are called to be the people who will never see the fruits of their labour in their lifetime and we should not live for the approval of men.

I won't even start to doubt about any works I did in BRMC and how many people really look to me as a mentor and a friend because I understand now that I shouldn't even be keeping count or trying too hard to analysis situations in that way, especially in church.

I also learnt how hard it is to have to give something up because the timing and the setting simply don't allow it and the patience to stop mid journey, turn around and do everything again.

All in all, it has definitely been fruitful but how many relationships were strained and broken just so I would learn the things I needed to learn?

I really think too much.